IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Although necessary experimentations play a pivotal role in scientific discovery, fauna must not be threatened. While some people argue that experimentation on animals is deleterious and it should be outlawed,others are of the view that discoveries in scientific fields can only be made by using animals for demonstration. I opine that harming wildlife should not be encouraged just for benefiting the society because it plays an important role in our ecosystem.

#experimentations #role #discovery #fauna #people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #fields #demonstration #opine #wildlife #society #ecosystem
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 topic is widely debated, people must not ignore it as frivolous.Experimentations performed on
wildlife
Use synonyms
 may help in augmenting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific discoveries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but will jeopardize animal
wildlife
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 reports published in China, many species of bear
got
Verb problem
were
show examples
 diagnosed with cancer after performing multiple experiments only to trace back their ancestral history.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 actions alleviate endangering species which
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 actions must be prohibited by regulating authorities and the government should take strict actions against
this
Linking Words
 act. Discovery in the field of science can be improved if other options are availed.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , experimentations should be done on microbes ,
for example
Linking Words
, bacteria and algae etc.
For Instance
Linking Words
 , many experimentations involved the use of bacteria ,which had been helpful in diagnosing diseases and unveiling
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 causes.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , only the infected species or the organism should be selected to perform experiments
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Lastl
Correct your spelling
Last
, advancements in the field of technology can aid in opening the doors to scientific worlds ;
therefore
Linking Words
, it will not deteriorate the natural ecosystem and will not risk
wildlife
Use synonyms
. In a nutshell, causing threats to animal life should not be accepted. It is suggested that other improved alternatives should be chosen ,for protecting and preserving
wildlife
Use synonyms
 should be an international concern. In the end , governments must impose strict laws to eradicate
this
Linking Words
 action or
otherwise
Linking Words
 fauna will face unprecedented consequences.
Submitted by uroojzulqernain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments against animal experimentation and suggests alternatives. However, ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea that is fully developed. For example, the first body paragraph can discuss the moral implications of animal testing, while the second can elaborate on alternatives.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to show contrast or agreement, such as 'However', 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand'. This will help to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense and structure. This includes fixing minor typos such as 'lastl' to 'lastly'. Grammatical accuracy will make your arguments clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the debate on animal experimentation, clearly stating your opinion that it should not be encouraged.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the bear species diagnosed with cancer and the use of bacteria in experiments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reiterates the necessity of protecting wildlife, strengthening your overall stance.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: