IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised.Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #retirement #age #work
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It is true that the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
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 has been
raised
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increasingly popular in our modern society.
This
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 trend would introduce both pros and cons, but I think that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand,
it is clear that
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 the
age
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 for
retirement
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 has been raised would bring about several disadvantages. One evident weakness is that
people
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 are not happy when some government
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
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 to increase the
age
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 of
retire
Correct your spelling
retirees
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such
Linking Words
 as France. Because it
make
Change the verb form
makes
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people
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 have to work longer in their life to get a pension. Another disadvantage is that the
productivities
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productivity
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 of those
people
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 who increased
working
Correct pronoun usage
their working
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age
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 will reduce
due to
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 their health
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 naturally affected, they will pay less than before.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that the advantages of
this
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 outweigh the disadvantages. (Câu 2)
Firstly
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, when the government increases
working
Correct article usage
the working
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age
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, it will help the
country
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 to have more workforce for the economic system. It
also
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 helps to increase the average productivity higher
compare
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compared
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 with other countries and will lead the
country
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grow
Add the particle
to grow
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 faster.
Secondly
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, the average
age
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 of the global today is increasing,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that
people
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 are getting better health and still able to work even though they
allowed
Add a missing verb
are allowed
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 to
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retirement
Replace the word
retire
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.
For example
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, in some
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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,
soem
Correct your spelling
some
 occupations
such
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 as healthcare or science, to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
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experience
people
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 who are willing to
continuous
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continuously
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 contribute to the profession is a great
and
Correct word choice
apply
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honor
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honour
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 for their
country
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. It not just only
having
Wrong verb form
has
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 a larger quantity, but
also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to strengthen the quality of of
labor
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labour
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 workforce for the
country
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 In conclusion, in some
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 government has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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raised the
retirement
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age
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.
However
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, it seems to me that its advantages would be more important regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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average productivity,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 the
country
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 grow faster, and
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
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 the quality of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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Submitted by luantrat on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and defines the scope of the essay well. However, clarifying your main argument earlier would improve it further.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single main idea clearly, and that your main points are explained more thoroughly.
relevant specific examples
Support your points with more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
logical structure
Improve your transition between ideas and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
complete response
You address both sides of the issue, showing a good understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and you make an effort to explain your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
What to do next:
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