IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for all the cities and towns to have large outdoor public spaces, such as parks or squares. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#cities #towns #spaces #parks #squares
Having
parks
 and squares is vital for the individuals who live in cities and towns. I totally agree with
this
 view on the grounds that as
such
 places provide green
areas
, they are perfect for getting rid of the noisy and stressful city life.
Besides
, they allow
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to do numerous activities. Today, life in crowded cities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become unbearable
due to
 the crowd and noise. Every day citizens come across a new construction site or traffic jam. Over time, these undesired factors affect people's mental states negatively. The number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals suffering from depression and anxiety
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 never been
this
 large.
However
, green
areas
 and
parks
 can alleviate
this
 problem. By entering these
areas
, all
hustle
Correct article usage
the hustle
show examples
 and bustle of urban life is being left behind. Even though London is
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 and crowded city,
for instance
, countless quiet
areas
 make it habitable. In terms of activities,
moreover
,
parks
 are great places to visit. All age groups can find an activity for themselves. Elderly citizens may read
newpaper
Correct your spelling
newspapers
 in serenity, or youngsters can play with their peers without disruption,
for example
.
Also
, squares are perfectly suitable for gatherings. Many shows, concerts or events can be organized in these
areas
.
Hence
,
parks
 and squares are kind of rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 locals and they are invaluable. In conclusion, in order to
getting
Change the verb
get
show examples
 away from
stressful
Correct article usage
the stressful
show examples
 conditions of urban and
organizing
Wrong verb form
organise
show examples
 public events, green
areas
 and
parks
 are vital for residents.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Although your ideas are clear, try to improve the structure of your sentences to make them even clearer. For example, 'Having parks and squares is vital for the individuals who live in cities and towns' can be rephrased as 'Parks and squares are vital for city and town residents'.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between paragraphs. For instance, start the second body paragraph with 'Furthermore' instead of 'In terms of activities, moreover'.
task achievement
You have effectively developed your ideas, making your argument quite comprehensive and clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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