A city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings rather than replacing them with modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Municipal councils play an important role in preserving traditional scenery in each city. Some people argue that a city should maintain traditional
buildings
rather than constructing modern new ones. I agree to a certain extent with
this
view.
While
there may be some convincing reasons why the local government should update historic
buildings
into modern ones, the reasons why historic
buildings
should be kept are more significant. On the one hand, when a city builds a modern style of
buildings
, there are some
benefits
.
First,
an up-to-date style of
properties
generally attracts visitors or users of
properties
since those
properties
are usually equipped with the latest functions and features,
such
as facilities of brightness, spacious layout, and security functions, which makes the users feel comfortable.
For instance
,
properties
of ‘Toranomon-hills’ in Tokyo which include both attractive shopping and office areas, are always packed with a large number of visitors and office workers.
Second,
building owners
also
financially benefit from new facilities
due to
the fact that modern facilities attract people and increase the number of visitors and tenants, which in general results in earning more profits for building owners.
On the other hand
, when traditional
buildings
are preserved, we can see more
benefits
. One of the reasons is that municipal councils can keep traditional scenery by maintaining an old style of
properties
so that their cities can become famous tourist destinations which appeal to travellers from other areas.
For example
, Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto is one of the major tourist sites in the world for its magnificent landscapes.
As a result
, there will be a rise in the number of consumers in the local area, which can expedite local economic development. Another reason is that maintaining historic
properties
leads to passing traditional local culture on to the next generation. The youngers can find and learn about the historic culture and their ancestors’ lifestyle in their areas from old
properties
, which leads to the respect of ancestors and the preservation of local customs. In conclusion, I believe that the local government should have historic
buildings
remaining because
although
the
benefits
from constructing new
buildings
are limited to users or owners of
buildings
, the preservation of traditional
buildings
will bring about more
benefits
to a wider range of people.
Submitted by june06112000 on

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, consider expanding on the introduction to provide a clearer roadmap of the essay's structure. This helps the reader anticipate the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be made clearer by breaking them down into shorter sentences. This will improve readability and ensure that your arguments are easy to follow.
task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the argument, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples, such as 'Toranomon-hills’ and 'Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto,' effectively supports your arguments and adds credibility to your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively balanced the discussion by presenting arguments for both sides before stating your own position, which enhances the overall coherence of your essay.
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