IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

A city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings rather than replacing them with modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Municipal councils play an important role in preserving traditional scenery in each city. Some people argue that a city should maintain traditional
buildings
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 rather than constructing modern new ones. I agree to a certain extent with
this
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 view.
While
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 there may be some convincing reasons why the local government should update historic
buildings
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 into modern ones, the reasons why historic
buildings
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 should be kept are more significant. On the one hand, when a city builds a modern style of
buildings
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, there are some
benefits
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.
First,
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an up-to-date style of
properties
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 generally attracts visitors or users of
properties
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 since those
properties
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 are usually equipped with the latest functions and features,
such
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 as facilities of brightness, spacious layout, and security functions, which makes the users feel comfortable.
For instance
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,
properties
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 of ‘Toranomon-hills’ in Tokyo which include both attractive shopping and office areas, are always packed with a large number of visitors and office workers.
Second,
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building owners
also
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 financially benefit from new facilities
due to
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 the fact that modern facilities attract people and increase the number of visitors and tenants, which in general results in earning more profits for building owners.
On the other hand
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, when traditional
buildings
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 are preserved, we can see more
benefits
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. One of the reasons is that municipal councils can keep traditional scenery by maintaining an old style of
properties
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 so that their cities can become famous tourist destinations which appeal to travellers from other areas.
For example
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, Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto is one of the major tourist sites in the world for its magnificent landscapes.
As a result
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, there will be a rise in the number of consumers in the local area, which can expedite local economic development. Another reason is that maintaining historic
properties
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 leads to passing traditional local culture on to the next generation. The youngers can find and learn about the historic culture and their ancestors’ lifestyle in their areas from old
properties
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, which leads to the respect of ancestors and the preservation of local customs. In conclusion, I believe that the local government should have historic
buildings
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 remaining because
although
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 the
benefits
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 from constructing new
buildings
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 are limited to users or owners of
buildings
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, the preservation of traditional
buildings
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 will bring about more
benefits
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 to a wider range of people.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, consider expanding on the introduction to provide a clearer roadmap of the essay's structure. This helps the reader anticipate the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be made clearer by breaking them down into shorter sentences. This will improve readability and ensure that your arguments are easy to follow.
task achievement
You could add more specific examples or data to further substantiate your points. This would make your argument more compelling and demonstrate thorough research.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that discuss both sides of the argument, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of relevant examples, such as 'Toranomon-hills’ and 'Kiyomizu-temple in Kyoto,' effectively supports your arguments and adds credibility to your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively balanced the discussion by presenting arguments for both sides before stating your own position, which enhances the overall coherence of your essay.
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