IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some cities create extra housing by building tall buildings. Other cities do this by building on wide areas of land. Which do you think is the best solution to the problem of housing?

#cities #buildings #areas #land
There are many cities which are making tall
buildings
 to have more housing. But other cities make building on wide areas of
land
. I opine tall
buildings
 are the best solution in terms of housing problem. First and foremost, high
buildings
 have ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space to carry thousands of people and it is convenient, accessible and reasonable to survive for a
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 person, as it has several amenities under one roof.
Moreover
, another advantage is that if a person is buying a place or shop to start a new business, it would be affordable as compared to
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
show examples
 area of
land
.
Furthermore
, making tall
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 can eliminate the major problem of housing. Because it would carry more people.
On the other hand
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creating
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 on wide areas of
land
 will not solve the issue of living,
instead
 of building houses
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 large
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 that space can be used in terms of other basic needs of a person. Tall
buildings
 are the best measure to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the housing problem,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 only
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
land
 and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 impact.
To conclude
, from my perspective, tall
buildings
 are more suitable to eradicate the cause of poor housing as compared to
buildings
 which are made on
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
land
.
Submitted by sukhpreetk2408 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention real-life examples of cities that have successfully implemented tall buildings to address housing problems.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using more connective phrases could improve the flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
task achievement
You’ve successfully addressed the prompt and provided a complete response to the question asked.
task achievement
The essay contains some good ideas and relevant points regarding the benefits of tall buildings versus wide area buildings.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: