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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a gap year, before they work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #gap #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
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Education has become an important part of everybody's life. Despite that, many university students take a
year
 of travelling after their graduation.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 actions are viewed to bring positive benefits,
such
 as enhancing their knowledge and experience;
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others see it as a reckless action of wasting time.
Nevertheless
, I would say that taking a gap
year
 is not an effective decision for a graduate for some reasons that are set out below. For a lot of
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
, a fresh new graduate should start their work instantly after the university is finished since a valuable
year
 just got wasted for some inconvenience travelling. They believe these actions could lead to lost opportunities and momentum that they built for years.
However
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is a good source to enhance your resume with
experiences
Correct article usage
the experiences
show examples
 you have gotten.
Similarly
, people criticize gap
year
 for losing pre-employee's
focus
. They see "gappers" might lose their academic
focus
 during their journey.
As a result
, increasing the difficulties to return to an organized routine.
Nevertheless
, I would argue that taking a
year
 off is basically taking a break from the intense learning that you have gotten for years. A gap of a
year
 can
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 a needed break to renew the
focus
 and energy for starting their careers. In summary, it is true that some people may spend 12 months on a vacation waiting time and losing
focus
, many more will use
this
 time productively to gain experiences that ultimately benefit their personal profile and their mind and it is
therefore
 a beneficial experience.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are clearly supported with specific examples or evidence. This will help to make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and transitions smoothly to the next point.
task achievement
Check for grammatical accuracy and consistency in your writing, as some errors detract from the overall clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents both perspectives, which sets up a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay acknowledges both sides of the argument and attempts to address them, which is key to a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and provides the writer's opinion, which aids in giving the essay a complete structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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