IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Social media platforms are gaining in popularity in recent years. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages [346]

#media #platforms #popularity #years
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Digital technology has been developing at a staggering pace, given the example of social
media
.
Such
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 are increasingly popular of late, but not many
people
, even experts, are totally sure of what they can bring about or their setbacks. From my perspective, these
platforms
 may be either
advantegeous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 or adverse, and that rests on how
people
 use them. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand, there are two key reasons why social
media
 are disadvantageous.
First,
it can develop a sense of desensitization to bad and toxic
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. Indeed, there is no adequate filter or censorship, making
such
 subjects unsuitable for certain
users
 like highly impressionable teenagers.
Additionally
,
people
 can form false
indentities
Correct your spelling
identities
 like
made up
Add a hyphen
made-up
show examples
 names or ages,
therefore
 getting easy access to inappropriate
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
,
thus
 engendering indifference.
Second,
social
media
platforms
 can give rise to issues regarding privacy and security. In fact, many
users
 become so addicted that they may even reveal their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on social
media
, putting their personal information at
stakes
Fix the agreement mistake
stake
show examples
. Big technology corporations like META design special algorithms that collect
users
’ data, either for selling to third parties or
target
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targeting
show examples
 marketing products and services.
On the other hand
, social
media
also
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 about two benefits.
First,
it keeps
users
 up to date with current trends and technologies. Technological advancements are
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 more rapidly than ever, evident in the development of these
platforms
, and various available
technology
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technologies
show examples
 benefiting the
worlds
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world
show examples
 are embraced and informed to humankind through them. What is more, social
media
 gives
users
 the opportunity to make new friends and acquaintances. Many
people
 say that they make more friends online, fully knowing that they may not see each other in person. Social
media
 connect
people
, making them feel like they are part of someone’s life regardless of
socioeconomical
Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
 status,
thus
 even fostering greater equality among them. To reiterate, social
media
platforms
 can prove to be either beneficial
pr
Correct your spelling
or
 detrimental, and that depends on the way
people
 use them. If handled appropriately, they can be useful tools for sharing knowledge and interconnecting
people
.
Otherwise
, they may pose a threat to
people
’s privacy and social standards, harming
people
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as a whole.
Submitted by Andy on

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language
Ensure accuracy in your language use. For example, 'platform' should be 'platforms'.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more compelling.
coherence
Focus on maintaining coherence throughout the essay. You have a good structure, but some transitions could be smoother for better flow.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, neatly framing your arguments.
balanced view
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages.
supported points
Main points are generally well-supported, enhancing the clarity of your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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