IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific world, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In our contemporary world,
information
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 is easily available on the
internet
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.
While
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 some assert it is beneficial to share knowledge related to different areas like science,
business
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 and education, others advocate valuable or essential
information
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 should not be circulated too openly.
This
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 essay will explore both viewpoints and offer a prespective that synthesize the two. Readily availability of
this
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 valuable
information
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 is
due to
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 advancement of technology. Seach engines like google and AI platforms
such
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 as chat gpt allow users to get access to wide range of resouces to study and gather knowledge from.
Additionally
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, availabilty of
information
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 helps unfortunate or under priviliged people to educate themselves and stay up to date with all the
information
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.
For instance
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: For Poor populace of Mexico, govenment has made
internet
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 free, so that general public can learn different ways of doing
business
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 on
internet
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 and earn better living for themselves.
However
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, some contend
this
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 valuable
information
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 should not be easily available as some people can misuse the
information
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 and circulate it to different nations.
For instance
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: scientific inventions or any sort of progress in the world of science, if leaked can cause significant damage to the world peace.
Furthermore
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, availabilty of vast amount of
information
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 can
also
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 lead to cut throat unhealthy competition, leading to crashing of specific markets.
To conclude
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, sharing
information
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 on
internet
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 or not is an ongoing debate and each side has its own pros and cons. But, I believe it is very crucial to spread
information
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 online related to
business
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, science and finance, as it can help an individual to open their own
business
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 or invest a little in stock market. Either way it will help pupil to be self sufficient and financially stable.

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task achievement
While your essay addresses both viewpoints, it could benefit from a stronger, more nuanced synthesis of the two perspectives in the conclusion. Try to merge the viewpoints more effectively rather than stating them separately.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Review your use of language and pay attention to minor grammatical errors and punctuation. This will improve the overall clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your points in a more logical sequence. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Clear transitions between paragraphs can make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes a relevant example which adds value and context to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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