Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

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In the present age, whether a wealthy person is more successful than a man earning a huge salary has sparked much debate. Some people, including myself, assert that altruistic professions are the most beneficial ones to humanity‘s education, health or protection

whereas

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others

Use synonyms

believe that without money you are incapable of helping

others

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significantly. Essentially, people working daily in order to help

others

Use synonyms

or improve the well-being of humanity live the most meaningful lives. More specifically, teachers who are responsible for bringing up future generations, health care specialists who are in charge of patients‘ physical and mental state or soldiers who run the risk of losing their lives with a view to protecting their homeland have an immensely useful mission which would definitely make them fully-fledged human beings.

For instance

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, Gandhi played a vital role in the Indian Independence War

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the beginning of the twentieth century as he promoted the idea of a disarmed fight by showing the protest against the dominance of the UK‘s authorities peacefully.

As a result

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, these individuals bring about a positive change in society,

thus

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, they are the most high-flying people in the world.

On the other hand

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, wealth opens up countless possibilities that a person is able to take advantage of. To be exact, if you earn a reasonable profit, you have a chance not just to explore the world‘s beauty or eat in the most prestigious restaurants, but

also

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to financially support humans who lack help.

For instance

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, today‘s millionaire Bill Gates is known to have donated millions to decrease poverty in various countries.

Consequently

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, money allows owners to invest in projects which aim to improve the existence of humanity.

To sum up

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, professionals

such

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as doctors, teachers or military men put a great deal of effort on a daily basis to create a brighter future for many human beings,

therefore

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, I am convinced that they are the most successful individuals.

However

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others

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making a lot of money might contribute to society‘s well-being as well by investing in donation organizations.

Submitted by oimigle on Tue May 07 2024

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task response

Your essay largely addresses the task and presents a balanced view on both perspectives about success. To further strengthen your task response, ensure all ideas are directly linked back to the main topic of success to maintain focus.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main idea. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the argument. Ensure every paragraph logically leads to the next.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a summary and your opinion on the topic. To improve further, reiterate key points more concisely in the conclusion.

task response

Your essay effectively balances the discussion of both views on success, providing relevant examples like Gandhi and Bill Gates to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure is commendable with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific arguments, thus maintaining clarity throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly sets up the debate and your stance, while the conclusion succinctly summarizes your arguments and opinion, emphasizing the strengths of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

338 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Discuss the possible causes for these changes and give your suggestions for how people should prepare for work in the future.

Some people think that visiting museums and art galleries is the best way to learn about art, While others believe that there are betteer ways of doing that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?