Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

In the present age, whether people, who have higher salaries, have achieved more

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apply

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than those who improve the well-being of

others

has sparked much debate. Some people assert that putting individual needs in the first place is most important,

whereas

many

others

argue that

this

way of living is selfish and dedication must be put to aid

others

. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view.

Firstly

, there are many worldwide problems,

such

as hunger, poverty, gender inequality,

poor

Correct word choice

and poor

show examples

healthcare and all of them are recognized by

United

Correct article usage

the United

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Nations, which just backs up their significance. Only when being faced, those issues can be solved and

therefore

many philanthropists dedicate their

life

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lives

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towards helping out those in need and not promoting even greater inequity between human beings.

For instance

, by choosing to develop cures, pharmacists save a lot of lives, or by providing children the opportunity to learn, teachers contribute to the future generations, which are going to have the world in their hands.

Therefore

, these individuals hold way more power and are true world savers.

On the other hand

, people, who are rich, are successful in the eyes of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, because they can allow themselves to live a better lifestyle, full of entertainment. They prefer to put their own needs first.

However

, there are many wealthy human beings, who become

philantropists

Correct your spelling

philanthropists

, since they have the money to help out

others

Moreover

, in many cases being well paid shows the knowledge and intelligence of a human.

As a result

, more

respects

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respect

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comes

along with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

amazing skills. In conclusion, it is important to find a balance between individual and society’s necessities. In my opinion, successful humans not only think of themselves

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but

also

assist

others

Submitted by oimigle on Tue May 07 2024

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Expanding examples

To further enhance your essay, consider expanding your examples with more specific details. For instance, when mentioning philanthropists or teachers, you could incorporate real-life success stories or statistical data to strengthen your arguments.

Use of linking words

Though your essay is well-structured, ensure varied and advanced linking expressions are used throughout to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing readability and sophistication.

Balancing viewpoints

In discussing contrasting viewpoints, strive for balance in development to ensure each view is equally explored and supported. This will enhance the overall depth and fairness of your discussion.

Introduction & Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting and summarizing the main points clearly.

Logical structure

Your essay benefits from a clear logical progression of ideas, making your arguments easy to follow.

Task Response

You effectively address the task, providing a discussion of both views and your opinion, which makes your essay comprehensive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Studies have shown that most criminals have low levels of education. Because of this many believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate prisoners so they can get a job after being released. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Mobile phones should be banned in public places, Up to what extent do you agree/disagree?

People in your area are having problems with the internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter describe the problem explain how they are affecting people say what the company should do to help

ESTABLISHING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS AT THE WORKPLACE IS NOT IMPORTANT AS THE PRIMARY GOAL OF every person is to focus on the work. To what extent do you agree?