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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
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Nowadays,
people
 want to get everything at their doorstep with
one
 click. Many
people
 argue that the latest technological advancements are beneficial to society to get things quickly and without wasting
time
,
while
 others believe that it is an addiction lured by suppliers with attractive sale offers. In
this
 essay, I will outline two main benefits of buying goods online,
as well as
 some disadvantages of
this
 technology and give my opinion. Certainly, the latest technology advancement is bringing many positive impacts on online buyers.
One
 of the most important benefits is it saves
time
 to go shopping and search for products at different stores, which takes a lot of
time
. Despite
this
, that extra
time
 can be used for office or other household tasks.
For example
, buying things from other cities is not possible to visit personally because it will consume more
time
,
instead
 buying online and paying extra courier charges. Another advantage is, that it is easier to search and compare goods among different sellers and doing that get good products and cheap prices because
people
 have opportunities to visit a number of suppliers' websites and choose from them.
While
 there are clear benefits, there are
also
 serious drawbacks to buying online goods that can waste customer's money. The main issue is that
due to
 the attractive
sales
 promoted by the sellers,
people
 get easily trapped in these
sales
.
For example
, some brands lure buyers into weekend
sales
 and buy
one
 and get a second
one
 free. Another problem is
people
 get addicted to these because at their homes and offices, they never think it is not going to be used in the future and they buy only the
sales
 run by expert psychologists, who know how to attract customers and motivate them to buy their things. In my opinion, it is nice to buy from online websites but needs to compare with the different shops
as well as
 buy only if required. In conclusion, the latest technology made many advancements in modern times, so
people
 buy online and save
time
 but they lose physical contact with others, where they miss the opportunities to know more about their culture.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a clear central idea, and that ideas between paragraphs transition smoothly with clear linking phrases. This will help improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on specific examples to make your arguments stronger. For instance, you could provide statistics or anecdotal evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Revisit the clarity of your ideas to make sure they are comprehensively explained. Clearer articulation of your arguments can lead to a higher score.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both views and giving an opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, which frames your essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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