IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Caring for children is important in any society. All parents should be required to take childcare courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #parents #childcare #courses
There is no denying that child caring is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 important in our community, so some
people
 say that all parents should learn and take courses
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to take care of their
children
. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
 opinion as parents need to spend a lot of time and if there are barriers, it can lead to decreasing the birth rates. On the one hand, there is a persuasive argument that educated parents are essential for their young
people
.
Additionally
, a growing number of individuals do not know how to deal with their
children
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
,
due to
 the lack of knowledge about caring for their
children
.
For example
, recent studies have shown that a number of
people
 request counselling at their community centres as they have a troubled relationship with their young individuals in the United States.
On the other hand
, there are more disadvantages to taking childcare courses because of several reasons. The most conspicuous one lies in the fact that individuals do not have enough time to take a childcare course.
Furthermore
, if there are boundaries for having a baby, it can affect the birth rate, and eventually,
people
 probably decide not to have their babies.
This
 is true among young generations who are busy with their work, so they rather choose to give up
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 a mother in South Korea. In conclusion, there is a common belief that taking childcare courses is helpful for becoming a good parent.
However
, it is apparent that those kinds of policies can make barriers for many of the young generations who wish to have
children
 in the future.
Submitted by hmhy0326 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your score, include more specific examples and statistics to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and show that you have a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to use more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and address the prompt effectively, providing a balanced view of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childcare
  • parenting
  • knowledge
  • skills
  • nurturing
  • child development
  • behavior
  • safety
  • accidents
  • injuries
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating
  • well-being
  • parent-child relationship
  • family dynamic
  • discipline
  • boundaries
  • autonomy
  • confidence
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • community
  • consistent care
  • quality care
  • society
What to do next:
Look at other essays: