Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

#childhood #obesity #countries #measures

Obesity has become a major

problem

across the countries.

This

problem

not only occurs among adults but

also

among

children

which would affect their long-term health.

This

essay will examine what are the causes of

this

problem

and provide possible solutions to solve

this

issue. In

this

modern era, brands are competing to get

children

’s attention by using attractive packaging.

For instance

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

like Oreo

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

collaborating with well-known cartoons namely Pikachu to capture

children

's attention.

Consequently

, as

children

are lured by the unique character, they keep consuming the product without minding their

sugar

intake.

This

condition is worsened by the fact that nowadays

children

are more appealed to play mobile games like Angry Birds and Mobile Legend rather than physical games, resulting in their calories that are not fully burned. If

this

problem

is not immediately resolved, it will impact their future health and the countries will have an unproductive-obesity generation. There are many solutions to solve

this

problem

, two of them are limiting their

sugar

intake and the second is encouraging more physical activities. The first solution requires parents’ help to always be aware of what kind of food their kids are consuming, they should be aware of the

sugar

contained in a product and limit the consumption to below what’s recommended.

Second,

is to limit their

children

’s screen time and encourage them to play outside or in the playground.

Therefore

, it will burn calories and result in a lower chance of obesity. In conclusion, obesity in

children

that is

caused by higher

sugar

intake and lower calories burned needs to be solved immediately. Parents should be aware of what their kids are consuming and limits to what is recommended

while

also

supporting them to have more physical activities.

Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on Sat Jun 22 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear response to the task with well-organized ideas and relevant examples. To improve further, try to elaborate more on each point and provide even more specific examples. For instance, you could discuss the popularity of particular snacks or drinks that contribute to childhood obesity.

coherence and cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. For example, use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Additionally, make sure to carefully proofread your essay for small grammatical errors and refine expressions where needed.

introduction and conclusion presence

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the essay, summarizing the key points without redundancy.

supported main points

Each body paragraph has a clear main idea which is well-supported by examples and explanations. This strengthens the overall coherence of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science at university. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

Children’s behavior in schools is getting worse than before. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

Nowadays ,many parents put pressure on their children so that they excel in schools as well as in other extracurricular activities. Why do parents do this? Is this a positive or a negative development for children?