Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

#childhood #obesity #countries #measures

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Obesity has become a major

problem

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across the countries.

This

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problem

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not only occurs among adults but

also

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among

children

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which would affect their long-term health.

This

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essay will examine what are the causes of

this

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problem

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and provide possible solutions to solve

this

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issue. In

this

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modern era, brands are competing to get

children

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’s attention by using attractive packaging.

For instance

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brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

like Oreo

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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collaborating with well-known cartoons namely Pikachu to capture

children

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's attention.

Consequently

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, as

children

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are lured by the unique character, they keep consuming the product without minding their

sugar

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intake.

This

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condition is worsened by the fact that nowadays

children

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are more appealed to play mobile games like Angry Birds and Mobile Legend rather than physical games, resulting in their calories that are not fully burned. If

this

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problem

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is not immediately resolved, it will impact their future health and the countries will have an unproductive-obesity generation. There are many solutions to solve

this

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problem

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, two of them are limiting their

sugar

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intake and the second is encouraging more physical activities. The first solution requires parents’ help to always be aware of what kind of food their kids are consuming, they should be aware of the

sugar

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contained in a product and limit the consumption to below what’s recommended.

Second,

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is to limit their

children

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’s screen time and encourage them to play outside or in the playground.

Therefore

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, it will burn calories and result in a lower chance of obesity. In conclusion, obesity in

children

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that is

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caused by higher

sugar

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intake and lower calories burned needs to be solved immediately. Parents should be aware of what their kids are consuming and limits to what is recommended

while

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also

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supporting them to have more physical activities.

Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on Sat Jun 22 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear response to the task with well-organized ideas and relevant examples. To improve further, try to elaborate more on each point and provide even more specific examples. For instance, you could discuss the popularity of particular snacks or drinks that contribute to childhood obesity.

coherence and cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. For example, use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Additionally, make sure to carefully proofread your essay for small grammatical errors and refine expressions where needed.

introduction and conclusion presence

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the essay, summarizing the key points without redundancy.

supported main points

Each body paragraph has a clear main idea which is well-supported by examples and explanations. This strengthens the overall coherence of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The pictures below show how tea is produced. They also illustrate the process of making a cup of tea

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certains talents, for instance for sport or music, and other are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Discussion Some people get into debt buying things they don’t need and can’t ‎afford.What are the reasons for this behaviour?What action can be taken ‎to prevent people having this problem?‎