IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people are forgetting the meanings behind occasions, such as national celebrations. What do you think are the causes of it? What solutions do you suggest?

#people #meanings #occasions #celebrations
Nowadays, many individuals fail to remember the sense of celebration of traditional festivals,
although
 it is important for them to appreciate the heritage and culture of their nations. There are several causes contributing to
this
 matter,
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential solutions to address
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, the first and the most significant roots
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the urbanization and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 modern lifestyle
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. When a person
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a fast-paced lifestyle in urban areas, leaving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little time for them to engage
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional celebrations.
For instance
, competitiveness is a common matter, especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big companies where the workers have to focus on their career and personal achievements to become
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
excellent than others.
As a result
, they often
neglecting
Wrong verb form
neglect
show examples
 cultural occasions.
In addition
, an inadequate education about the history and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 in the schools
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 another cause that triggers
this
 event. When the education system
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not place enough emphasis on teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history,
consequently
, leading the younger generations to miss out
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 meaning of the past.
On the other hand
, the
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
 and the public sector
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a big role in order to tackle
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 issues.
Firstly
, employers should encourage their employees to celebrate national occasions, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
busy working environments.
For example
, allowing them to take a holiday or just do a small party at
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
.
As a result
, ensuring the tradition will be preserved.
Second,
the authority should encourage the schools to teach youngsters about the local history. If the lesson could start from an early age, kids will develop a sense of patriotism for their country. On top of that, the institutions would make sure that the cultural identity will
be pass
Change the verb form
be passed
show examples
 on to the next population. In conclusion,
although
 there are some causes
such
 as modern lifestyle and
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
 of schooling about their past could
led
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 the people to forget the meaning of the occasions.
However
, with the collaboration
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the public and the government, these concerns can be dealt
nicely
Change preposition
with nicely
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper subject-verb agreement.
coherence
Work on incorporating a greater variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points effectively.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both causes and solutions to the issue.
coherence
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task comprehension
Recognition of the importance of preserving cultural traditions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural Homogenization
  • Traditions and Customs
  • Interconnected
  • Urbanization
  • Modern Lifestyle
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • Digital Platforms
  • Historical Significance
  • Commercial aspects
  • Curriculum
  • Generational Gap
  • Exposure
  • National Celebrations
  • Heritage
  • Preservation
  • Cultural Identity
  • Commemoration
  • Rituals and Traditions
  • Cultural Awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: