In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and the sense of community is lost. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.

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Most

Change preposition

In most

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metropolitan

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city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

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, it is growing numerous

people

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who are not

known

Wrong verb form

know

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their bordering

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resident

Fix the agreement mistake

residents

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and

Linking Words

then

Correct your spelling

the

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feeling of community is lost.

There

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The

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two main factors are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lifestyle and busy

time

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times

show examples

. To overcome

this

Linking Words

address

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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, the first one is the government make

social

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a social

the social

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organization

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. The second is making

lottery

Correct article usage

a lottery

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club. Trending

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apply

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lifestyle is popular in

big

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the big

a big

show examples

Use synonyms

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

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However

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

can follow the trend,

Correct word choice

apply

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if their nearby

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resident

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residents

show examples

not

Add a missing verb

do not

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the

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have the

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same

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life-style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

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. So that they do not want to know.

As a result

Linking Words

, it can decrease the interaction with other

people

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because they are not the same

frequent

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frequently

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with them.

Besides

Linking Words

that,

life

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materialistic

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

is one

cases

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case

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in metropolitan

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city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

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because they just

want

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want to

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be a friend if

the

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apply

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their fellow

resident

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Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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rich

people

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Consequently

Linking Words

The

Correct your spelling

They

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do not interact with their local

resident

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because of different social

status

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statuses

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. Two main

solution

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solutions

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are

tackle

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to tackle

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those problem

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that problem

those problems

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. The first one is the ministry must make

many

Replace the quantifier

much

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social

organization

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for the society especially if their

life

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modern

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the modern

a modern

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city

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Nevertheless

Linking Words

, they can join the event if the

organization

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make the social event.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is

effectively

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effective

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to make

people

Use synonyms

interact with their local

Use synonyms

resident

Fix the agreement mistake

residents

show examples

. The second factor, linked to the

first,

Linking Words

making

Correct article usage

the making

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of lottery

club

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clubs

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which is

trending

Correct article usage

a trending

show examples

activity in the metropolitan

city

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

they are busy

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

working and studying,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

have time

gather

Fix the infinitive

to gather

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together where

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

Use synonyms

Add a missing verb

is.

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Consequently

Linking Words

, it is the best way to overcome declined

people

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not

know

Wrong verb form

knowing

show examples

their nearby

dweller

Fix the agreement mistake

dwellers

show examples

To sum up

Linking Words

, some cause

people

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not

know

Fix the infinitive

to know

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each other in big

Use synonyms

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

show examples

because they have following lifestyle and most

people

Use synonyms

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

busy

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

daily

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

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to solve the address, the authority make many social

Use synonyms

organization

Fix the agreement mistake

organizations

show examples

and

people

Use synonyms

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

lottery

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

where they

Use synonyms

life

Replace the word

live

show examples

Linking Words

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

is essential

Change preposition

for to

show examples

people

Use synonyms

gather together.

ru.kabiru.biruSat Aug 17 2024

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task achievement

The essay does address the question and identifies two main causes and solutions. However, it needs more clarity and structure to improve readability.

task achievement

To make your argument more convincing, you can add more specific examples or case studies that illustrate how social organizations or lottery clubs have successfully brought communities together.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure needs improvement; the transitions between ideas are abrupt. Use connectives such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' to make your ideas flow more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more engaging and cohesive. Try to clearly outline what you will be discussing in the introduction and summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Each main point should be thoroughly supported with details and explanations. Be sure to elaborate on how exactly these solutions can be implemented and their potential impacts.

task achievement

The essay identifies two clear solutions—social organizations and lottery clubs—to address the issue of declining community interaction.

coherence cohesion

Both the introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame the essay and sum up the points discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and the sense of community is lost. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that in the future, environmental problems will mean that we are unable to live on this planet. In order to survive, the human species will need to find another planet that can support life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, more and more people are choosing to work from home instead of commuting to an office every day. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some cities public parks and open space are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport while others think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?