In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and the sense of community is lost. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.
Most
metropolitan Change preposition
In most
city
, it is growing numerous Fix the agreement mistake
cities
people
who are not known
their bordering Wrong verb form
know
resident
and Fix the agreement mistake
residents
then
feeling of community is lost. Correct your spelling
the
There
two main factors are Correct your spelling
The
the
lifestyle and busy Correct article usage
apply
time
. To overcome Fix the agreement mistake
times
this
address are
, the first one is the government make Unnecessary verb
apply
social
Add an article
a social
the social
organization
. The second is making lottery
club.
Trending Correct article usage
a lottery
of
lifestyle is popular in Change preposition
apply
big
Add an article
the big
a big
city
. Fix the agreement mistake
cities
However
, people
can follow the trend, so
if their nearby Correct word choice
apply
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
not
Add a missing verb
do not
the
same Add a missing verb
have the
life-style
. So that they do not want to know. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
As a result
, it can decrease the interaction with other people
because they are not the same frequent
with them. Change the word
frequently
Besides
that, life
materialistic
is one Correct word choice
apply
cases
in metropolitan Change to a singular noun
case
city
because they just Fix the agreement mistake
cities
want
be a friend if Add the particle
want to
the
their fellow Remove the article
apply
resident
is
rich Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
. Consequently
, The
do not interact with their local Correct your spelling
They
resident
because of different social status
.
Two main Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
solution
are Change to a plural noun
solutions
tackle
Fix the infinitive
to tackle
those problem
. The first one is the ministry must make Change the determiner
that problem
those problems
many
social Replace the quantifier
much
organization
for the society especially if their life
in modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
city
. Nevertheless
, they can join the event if the organization
make the social event. Therefore
, it is effectively
to make Change the word
effective
people
interact with their local resident
. The second factor, linked to the Fix the agreement mistake
residents
first,
is making
of lottery Correct article usage
the making
club
which is Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
trending
activity in the metropolitan Correct article usage
a trending
city
. Although
they are busy for
working and studying, Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
have time gather
together where Fix the infinitive
to gather
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
.
Add a missing verb
is.
Consequently
, it is the best way to overcome declined people
not know
their nearby Wrong verb form
knowing
dweller
.
Fix the agreement mistake
dwellers
To sum up
, some cause people
not know
each other in big Fix the infinitive
to know
city
because they have following lifestyle and most Fix the agreement mistake
cities
people
have
busy Verb problem
are
for
daily Change preposition
with
activity
. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
However
to solve the address, the authority make many social Add a comma
However,
organization
and Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
people
making
lottery Wrong verb form
make
club
where they Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
life
Replace the word
live
that
is essential Correct pronoun usage
which
to
Change preposition
for to
people
gather together.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
The essay does address the question and identifies two main causes and solutions. However, it needs more clarity and structure to improve readability.
task achievement
To make your argument more convincing, you can add more specific examples or case studies that illustrate how social organizations or lottery clubs have successfully brought communities together.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement; the transitions between ideas are abrupt. Use connectives such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand,' to make your ideas flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more engaging and cohesive. Try to clearly outline what you will be discussing in the introduction and summarize your main points effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be thoroughly supported with details and explanations. Be sure to elaborate on how exactly these solutions can be implemented and their potential impacts.
task achievement
The essay identifies two clear solutions—social organizations and lottery clubs—to address the issue of declining community interaction.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame the essay and sum up the points discussed.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example