IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Cultural traditions are important in many societies. To what extent do you think maintaining cultural traditions is important in a globalized world? What other measures can be taken to preserve cultural heritage?

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Cultures and traditions are the most integral part of our society. As globalisation has removed the border restriction our cultural
values
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 have dimnished already because of it. It is extremly crucial to maintain some
values
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 and rituals based of our traditions to pass on the legacy to the upcoming generation. And multiple steps could be taken to preserve that
heritage
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.
This
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 essay will explore some reason and methods to conserve the traditional
values
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. The primary reason to preserve our
heritage
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 is to showcase and explain the cultural practices to the young generation. Nowadays, everyone is trying to adapt to the western
culture
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 the day is not far away when people will forget about their roots and
heritage
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.
Culture
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 is the only elelment which makes us different from each other, it gives an individual a unique identity.
For example
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: In many villages in India, government is trying to preserve the
culture
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 of the region by rewarding and recognising the the small groups.
Furthermore
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, these cultural practices remind us about our ancestors and by following the
culture
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, it helps us pay our respect to them. There are numerous ways by which we can conserve our
heritage
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.
Firstly
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, by promoting cultural festival and programs at the school, so that children can learn about their
culture
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 from young age.
Moreover
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, all community groups can ask the members to wear their cultural dresses in the funtions and events hosted by the group to spread the awareness among other populace.
For instance
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: Gujrati's (one cultural group of India) wear their cultural attire on all their events (garba), which has helped their community to be the strongest among all.
To conclude
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, individual's utmost priority should be to preserve their
heritage
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 to pass on the same
values
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 to the new generation and multiple stratagies like organising cultural events and spreading awareness will help us to conserve it.

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, work on paragraph transitions to ensure smoother flow of ideas. Try adding transitional phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'furthermore' more consistently to link your paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, the point about government initiatives in India can be enhanced with a brief explanation of why such initiatives are significant.
task achievement
Carefully proofread for minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'dimnished' instead of 'diminished' and 'elelment' instead of 'element.' While these don't significantly impact comprehension, they do affect the overall polish and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-formed, providing a clear framework for your essay. You introduce the topic and your stance effectively, and your conclusion succinctly wraps up your arguments.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support your points well, particularly the example of Gujaratis and their cultural attire. This illustrates your point about the importance of cultural practices vividly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, providing reasons and methods to conserve cultural heritage. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and shows that you've thought about it from multiple angles.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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