Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views ang give your own opinion.

A growing number of
individuals
today hold the belief that
people
can gain a successful career by studying with higher
education
,
whereas
some
people
argue that having a
job
without going to
university
is better.
This
essay agrees that learning at
university
or college can obtained a great
job
due to
enhanced
knowledge
and
skills
with higher
education
rather than starting to earn money early. It is vital to understand that higher
education
provides
individuals
with
knowledge
and
skills
that are essential in the
job
market. Nowadays, more and more companies require employment with high levels of study and many necessary
skills
and
therefore
, studying at a
university
or college can bring
students
a deep understanding of their fields, and
also
enhance lots of
skills
.
For instance
, many Vietnamese universities, offer
students
a holistic learning environment where
students
can not only have a chance to acquire theoretical
knowledge
but
also
cultivate practical
skills
by joining in extracurricular activities,
this
will enable them to improve problem-solving, teamwork and communication
skills
and gain more helpful
experience
for their future career.
On the other hand
, it has become increasingly prevalent for
people
to consider that it is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better to find a
job
immediately after high school. Entering the workforce immediately after graduate school can provide
individuals
with the opportunities to start earning money and gaining work
experience
earlier.
This
provides citizens with the opportunities to gain practical, hands-on
experience
in a professional environment, which can be valuable in developing
job
-specific
skills
.
This
point may be true but starting their own business
an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
early time can bring them lots of mistakes because of their lack of practical
skills
and
experience
. Despite the fact that working
experience
is equally important as formal
education
, I hold the opinion that
individuals
should participate in
university
degrees to obtain more
knowledge
and
this
is helpful for their occupation.
Students
need to learn more about theoretical
knowledge
and improve practical
skills
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
particularly in their fields.
Moreover
,
people
need to make a decision for their future major and ensure that it is suitable. In conclusion, from my own perspective, finding a
job
immediately after graduating high school might have some benefits,
I'm
Unnecessary verb
I
show examples
advocate the argument of continuing study at a high level.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Work on refining sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, offering a balanced discussion on the topic.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples, such as Vietnamese universities, adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the opinion and the essay structure, while the conclusion summarizes the key points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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