IYou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. In some cultures, children are told they can achieve anything if they work hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Write at least 250 words.
In a lot of cultures, children are told they can achieve anything if they work hard.
This
might be true but some people may disagree, including me. I think that this
statement leans more to the negative side than the positive. This
essay will show both the advantages and disadvantages to
Change preposition
of
this
statement.
On the one hand, children who are told to work hard tend to have bigger dreams and can achieve more rewards. Sometimes people say that those who work hard can beat those who are geniuses academically. They tend to have more unrealistic dreams because they feel more confident achieving it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, if a person who studies constantly wants to become a doctor or a lawyer, they would most likely achieve it and are confident to
achieving because they have studied. Change preposition
in
In contrast
, those who do not study hard are most likely to overthink their results.
On the other hand
, we should also
consider the effects of constant studying have
on people, especially when they fail. Unnecessary verb
apply
For instance
, when students who study consistently fail, they are most likely to feel overwhelmed because they would think that what they have done are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
wastes
. Fix the agreement mistake
waste
Furthermore
, these students would also
get stressed because of high expectation
from peers, parents, and teachers. These expectations can lead to students having Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
burnouts
and Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
are
unable to study for a long time.
In conclusion, I think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Even though we could achieve a lot more when working hard, Wrong verb form
being
but
we should Correct word choice
apply
also
consider our mental health and feelings when the results does
not come out the way we want.Change the verb form
do
Submitted by nafisa.sputri on
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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is directly related to the task. Avoid vague statements and generalize less.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help with the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
Consider enriching your essay with more specific examples to better support your main points.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument evenly, paying equal attention to both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentences for clarity and grammatical correctness. Polished sentences will enhance the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which help in framing the argument appropriately.
task achievement
Ideas are generally well-expressed with an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provide a good explanation of both sides of the argument, indicating a balanced point of view.