IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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It is argued that
workers
Use synonyms
 should not
work
Use synonyms
 too long and ought to get more rest
time
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. Personally, I partially agree with the statement.
Although
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 it is reasonable, I believe we should take different factors into account, and reasons will be provided in
this
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 essay. It is undeniable that more weekends help
workers
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 achieve a better
work
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-life balance, reduce
work
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 stress
as well as
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 strengthen family bonding.
That is
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 to say, increasing weekend
time
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 allows
workers
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 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and strengthen family ties.
Therefore
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, people can separate their lives from their
work
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 clearly and
work
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 in a more efficient way because they would no longer be distracted by their family members. What's more, working continuously for a long
time
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 can easily lead to physical and mental exhaustion and increase health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
. Shortening the working days and giving more free
time
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 to people is good for them to maintain
healthy
Replace the word
health
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. All of these contribute to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
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 worker's life quality and
work
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 efficiency.
On the other hand
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, decreasing the working days of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain industries is bad for the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in terms of economic downturn and public interest. With regard to the former, as the
workers
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 are working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a shorter working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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, the cost of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 would probably increase and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity would decrease. In
this
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 way, the economy will
also
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 decrease significantly.
Moreover
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, if the working days of some industries like healthcare and emergency services decrease,
this
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 may not meet the needs of society and do harm to the public interest. In my opinion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries can improve their staff's life quality and
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 enthusiasm by giving them a longer weekend,
while
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 there are several special kinds of jobs that are necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the public and cannot be given more free
time
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. In conclusion, I partially agree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
workers
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 should
work
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 for a shorter
time
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 because that
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on many factors. I believe that companies should consider more before making a decision and find the balance between
work
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 and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
.
Submitted by 2575444164 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and covers the main points. To strengthen your task achievement, try to include more specific examples to support your main arguments. This will make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While your essay generally flows well, there are occasional lapses in clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument. This helps set the stage for your points and wraps up your essay well.
complete response
You have done a good job of addressing both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view which enhances the completeness of your response.
logical structure
Your essay is generally coherent and logically structured, which aids in reader comprehension. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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