IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that social network websites such as Facebook and Instagram, have had a huge negative impact on both individual and Society. To what extent do you agree?

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Undoubtedly, social
media
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 has become an integral part of everyone's life in today's world. Some
people
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 believe that social data
websites
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put
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have
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 an immense amount of negative
affect
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effects
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 on both society and
individuals
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.
This
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 essay will discuss my opinions in
the
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apply
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favour of the above-mentioned statement in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, not only Facebook and
Instagram
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websites
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 are decreasing
the
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apply
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face-to-face interactions but
also
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put
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have
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negative
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a negative
the negative
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impact
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 on social bonding
amongst
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among
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individuals
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.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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 do not prefer to meet in person
on
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at
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 special events
such
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 as festivals and folks wish each other by sending reels on
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instagram
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Instagram
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. Even though
,
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apply
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people
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 do not want to type the full messages for their loved
one's
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ones
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and
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apply
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they prefer to send emojis.
Moreover
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, lack of privacy is an important factor, which is
under
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at
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 risk
while
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 spending time on social
media
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 because
people
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 post everything on social apps.
Although
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, there are some private settings options on
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instagram
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Instagram
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but
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apply
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still anyone can access
to
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apply
show examples
a person's account and misuse their information. Another factor to consider is that social network
websites
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put
Verb problem
have
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negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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impact
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 on
individual's
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an individual's
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 mental health because
people
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 do not prefer outdoor activities and they spend their most of time on
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instagram
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Instagram
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 or Facebook. Not only
individuals
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 are facing problems
relate
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related
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 to stress and anxiety but
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also
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they also
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websites put
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have
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awful
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an awful
the awful
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impact
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 on
folks
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folks'
folk's
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 eyesight.
For example
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,
according to
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 the Canadian (2022) survey said that 80% of society has
a stress problems
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a stress problem
stress problems
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 because they watch violence on social
media
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as well
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as
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and
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 almost 70% of
schools
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school
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 students wear glasses because they spend an immense amount of time on phones which affects their eyesight.
To conclude
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,
individuals
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 can not deny
that
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apply
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how easy their
life
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lives
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has
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have
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 become
due to
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 social
media
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 but there are multifarious negative impacts of using a lot of social
websites
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such
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 as
impact
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 on communication ways, mental health,
privacy
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and privacy
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.
Also
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,
people
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 have to consider these impacts seriously for a fruitful life.

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task achievement
Ensure all examples used are clearly relevant to the main points. For instance, the Canadian survey example could be more precise or elaborated to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to make paragraphs more distinct with clear topic sentences that preview the main idea of each paragraph. This can help to enhance clarity and cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and introduces the main argument of the essay effectively.
logical structure
The essay has a distinct and logical structure, with the argument developed coherently across paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • distraction
  • isolation
  • anxiety
  • cyberbullying
  • narcissism
  • catfishing
  • oversharing
  • surveillance
  • detrimental
  • depression
  • loneliness
  • disconnection
  • excessive
  • media consumption
  • authenticity
  • manipulation
  • misinformation
  • filter bubble
  • digital footprint
  • workplace productivity
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