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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

#birth #rate #countries #fall #years #one-third #population #effects #predictions #situation
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The predicted decline in birth rates and the
aging
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ageing
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population
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 in developed countries will have significant social and economic effects. By 2030, with over one-third of the
population
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 aged 65 and over, several key challenges will arise.
Firstly
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, the shrinking workforce will strain pension
systems
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 and social security. Fewer workers will be contributing to these
systems
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,
while
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 the number of retirees drawing benefits will increase, potentially leading to funding shortfalls.
Secondly
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,
healthcare
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systems
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 will face increased pressure. An
aging
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ageing
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population
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 will require more medical
care
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, long-term
care
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, and specialized services, leading to higher
healthcare
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 costs.
Moreover
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, economic growth may slow down. With a smaller, older workforce, productivity and innovation could decline, impacting
overall
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 economic dynamism. Businesses might face
labor
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labour
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 shortages, and consumer spending patterns will shift as older adults typically spend less on goods and more on
healthcare
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. To address these challenges, several measures can be taken now. Governments can reform pension
systems
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 to ensure sustainability, perhaps by gradually raising the retirement age. Encouraging higher birth rates through family-friendly policies,
such
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 as childcare support and parental leave, can help balance the demographic shift.
Additionally
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, attracting skilled immigrants can supplement the workforce and stimulate economic growth. Investing in
healthcare
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 infrastructure and promoting healthy
aging
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ageing
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are
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is
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also
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 crucial. By emphasizing preventive
care
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 and supporting technologies that assist elderly
care
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, countries can mitigate some of the
healthcare
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 burdens. In conclusion, the predicted demographic changes pose significant challenges, but proactive policies focused on pension reform, family support, immigration, and
healthcare
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 can help developed countries adapt and thrive despite an
aging
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ageing
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population
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.
Submitted by vladislavikonnikov112 on

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task achievement
To further improve the essay, consider adding more specific and detailed examples, such as citing particular countries that have successfully implemented policies to encourage higher birth rates or healthcare innovations that have proven effective in managing aging populations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using a variety of cohesive devices and linking words. This can enhance the overall coherence and make the essay more engaging to read.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the task, identifying key challenges and suggesting several viable solutions.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is clear, with a well-organized introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each point is well-developed and relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively framing the essay and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The essay uses clear and comprehensive language to convey ideas, making it easy to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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