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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.
The line graph compares the fraction of houses using five different
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 in the United States of America over the 4 year period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 washing machines were by far
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 used type of
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
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 technology.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the percentage of cell phone subscribers rose dramatically over the given period. in 1995, the number of households containing
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 barely reached 10%. At a time when one in five citizens of
america
Change the capitalization
America
show examples
 had a phone. Computers and DVD players were used in 40% and 25% of U.S.
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 households respectively. 1996 saw a rise in terms of usage
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
, with the exception of DVD players which received 10% fewer users than in the previous years. Over the following 3 years, computers were rising at a constant rate of nearly 7% a year reaching
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 70% by 1999.
However
Linking Words
, PCs got overshadowed by mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, which were jumping
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 exponential rate, reaching its peak of 75%. Both DVDs and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 grew
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a similar rate until 1998 when connection received a 20% boost.

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