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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.
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The line graph compares the fraction of houses using five different
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies

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in the United States of America over the 4 year period.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 washing machines were by far
most
Correct article usage
the most

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 used type of
cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge

It seems that cutting edge is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 technology.
By
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

contrast
Add a comma
contrast,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase By contrast. Consider adding a comma.

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 the percentage of cell phone subscribers rose dramatically over the given period. in 1995, the number of households containing
internet
Capitalize word
Internet

The word internet should be capitalized in this context.

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 barely reached 10%. At a time when one in five citizens of
america
Change the capitalization
America

If you don’t want america to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

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 had a phone. Computers and DVD players were used in 40% and 25% of U.S.
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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 households respectively. 1996 saw a rise in terms of usage
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies

If you don’t want techonologies to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, with the exception of DVD players which received 10% fewer users than in the previous years. Over the following 3 years, computers were rising at a constant rate of nearly 7% a year reaching
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 70% by 1999.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, PCs got overshadowed by mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones

It seems that phone may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which were jumping
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word exponential.

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 exponential rate, reaching its peak of 75%. Both DVDs and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 grew
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a similar rate until 1998 when connection received a 20% boost.

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