Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays,
smartphones
become a non-separated part of children
`s lives. This
essay will discuss the reasons for this
issue and then
describe the possible pros and cons of this
development. While
considering, both positive and negative aspects of this
issue, I think the benefits of this
phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks.
The predominant factor that results in children
spending an enormous amount of time with smartphones
is the development of technology. It means that new technology creates a new and attractive world that absorbs children
such
as other individuals. It is due to
the fact that children
can easily find friends on social media platforms, play online games with them and also
, do their school research by using their smartphones
and the internet. Another reason is due to
changing the lifestyle. In the present decade, parents encounter many problems. They do not have enough time for their children
so, kids should be amazed by some things such
as smartphones
. Moreover
, they use
their smartphones
for many purposes such
as paying bills, sending messages, navigating their destinations and also
, shopping
. Correct word choice
and shopping
This
trend encourages children
to use
their smartphones
more and more as well as
their parents.
This
phenomenon has some pros and cons such
as establishing medical problems for users` eyes as negative points and easy access to new findings as positive points. In my opinion, the advantages of this
trend are more than the disadvantages, while
the cons can be reduced by some control procedures. Children
can easily access new technologies and use
this
information to enhance the standard of their lifestyle. In addition
, they can improve the quality of their social life by membership in social networks.
In conclusion, there are some reasons that result in the increasing use
of smartphones
among children
which have both negative and positive sides. From my perspective, the benefits of this
trend are more than the drawbacks.Submitted by n.fallahi327 on
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task achievement
To improve your Task Response, aim to provide more specific examples to substantiate your points. While you mention social media and online games, adding concrete examples would demonstrate a stronger support for your ideas.
task achievement
Enhance your ideas' clarity by breaking down more complex sentences into simpler ones. This will reduce ambiguity and make your arguments clearer. A more explicit explanation of concepts will help the reader follow your reasoning more easily.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Try using linking phrases such as 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'However' to connect your sentences and paragraphs for a more fluid reading experience.
coherence cohesion
There's room for improvement in the logical structure of your essay. Consider outlining your essay before writing to make sure every paragraph serves a purpose and contributes coherently to your overall argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively lays out what the essay will discuss, setting a clear path for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You make good use of a concluding paragraph that clearly summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
complete response
The essay consistently stays on topic, addressing both the reasons for increased smartphone use among children and the positive and negative aspects of this trend.