IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some would argue that
climate
change
 become one of the main
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life on Earth.
This
 essay agrees with the accuracy of
this
 statement because
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
show examples
 effect produced by cars and factories is
main
Add an article
a main
the main
show examples
 concern
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 air pollution that leads to
climate
change
,
also
 humanity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
dilemma
Add an article
a dilemma
show examples
 with
oceans
 that
polluted
Add a missing verb
are polluted
show examples
 by rubbish.
Greenhouse
Add an article
The greenhouse
show examples
 effect is produced by cars and factories, which numbers are growing through the years.
Greenhouse
Correct article usage
The greenhouse
show examples
 effect mainly
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from carbon dioxide that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been collected in
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 for decades. Gases that
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 in the atmosphere
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to mirror sunlight
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
show examples
 after a
while
 when
finally
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a layer that can double
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 whole amount of light
came
Wrong verb form
that comes
show examples
 from it.
For example
, in 1967 scientists from all parts of
Earth
Correct article usage
the Earth
show examples
 found
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in
climate
change
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
3 Celsius degrees,
whereas
 today in more industrial
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
faced
Add a missing verb
are faced
show examples
 with
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
Celsius degrees
change
 because of
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
more
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 amount of toxic carbon dioxide produced.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 humankind
face
Change the verb form
faces
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
oceans
 that
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 polluted by trash that
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from
rivers
. The reason for
that is
 a low level of hygiene in nearby towns placed alongside
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rivers
 that
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to
oceans
. Because of that
oceans
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to collect rubbish that
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kills thousands of
fish like
Add a hyphen
fish-like
show examples
 creatures mainly by trash that contains plastic and toxic liquids.
For instance
, Harvard University says there are only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1% of all
rivers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
actually pollute
oceans
 and it can be easily fixed by providing needed
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 to countries where they
placed
Add a missing verb
are placed
show examples
. India's Brattham
river
Capitalize word
River
show examples
 can be
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one of the polluter
rivers
 because it
placed
Wrong verb form
is located
show examples
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 town and contains 70%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bacteria. In conclusion,
climate
change
 is a main concern for all humanity to deal with,
however
, we
also
 need to remember about ocean pollution that
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
show examples
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
 of all water creatures to prevent future problems with them
Submitted by dnm.best on

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and fluency. Pay particular attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
structure
Include more topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of ideas.
development
Develop points with a bit more detail and provide additional relevant examples to support your arguments.
task response
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and attempts to support it with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose of introducing and summarizing the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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