Although some people value public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever- growing population or to develop business or boost economies. To what extent do you agree with this?

Parks
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have an essential role in human life but some approaches emphasize that these green
areas
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should be replaced with accommodations and business buildings to improve the economic situation
due to
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the population increasing day by day. l strongly disagree with
this
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purpose and my supportive reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand,the
parks
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are the main source of
oxygen
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which is necessary for
people
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’s lives.their role looks like lungs in societies and individuals can’t live without
oxygen
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or fresh air. Today,many
people
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encounter various
parks
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and try to sit there to meet their health needs
Hence
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, these places indeed boost longevity and natural treatment among the population. If
parks
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change their position in residential
areas
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, some parts of the inhabitants
would
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will
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suffer from
oxygen
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. To illustrate
this
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, based on the English scientists' research,60% of the
people
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in London prefer to spend their leisure time in the
parks
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. In favour of the second argument, physical activities mostly are done in public
parks
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by local citizens especially elderly
people
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. There are a lot of constructions
such
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as fitness
areas
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and sprint strips located in greenery
areas
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and inhabitants easily use those types of equipment to meet their daily sport.
Moreover
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,members of the older generation spend their retirement period around the
parks
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because their body requires fresh air and physical activity for longevity.
For instance
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, half of the elder
people
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in Azerbaijan arrange table games like a domino and chess in the
parks
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to access fresh air and do physical brain activity. In conclusion, the prevalence of population does not mean that the states should alter
parks
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to residential
areas
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.
Parks
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have some valuable advantages for human welfare
such
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as
oxygen
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and somatic exercises. In my opinion,the governments may rebuild some abandoned buildings and choose better land for planning
instead
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of replacement with
parks
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the connection between your ideas by using more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, therefore) to enhance the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences in paragraphs to indicate the main idea and ensure each point is developed fully.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or research citations to support your claims about the benefits of parks.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments to enhance the depth of your argument and present a more balanced view.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, which is important for clarity.
task achievement
You provided relevant points about the benefits of parks, such as health and fitness opportunities, which are crucial to your argument.
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