In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this ?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult

In recent years, some

states

in the United

States

do not allow

teenagers

to go outside after a certain time at

night

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

unless they’re accompanied by an

adult

. Is

this

rule really necessary nowadays? Some people will argue that

teenagers

have their own free will to do anything.

However

, I personally believe that

this

rule is necessary. Some areas in the United

States

have high crime rates.

Therefore

, it is important to keep our children safe, especially during the

night

Teenagers

can meet and hang out with their friends during the day, but during the

night

it is important that they are accompanied by an

adult

. They can be unsafe during the

night

because of unfamiliar streets or neighbourhoods.

In addition

, youth still learn to differentiate some types of people that they can trust,

hence

adult

can give them protection if a bad person appears.

Secondly

, it is crucial for

teenagers

to be responsible with their life. They need to have at least 8 hours of sleep during the

night

. If they need to come out during the

night

then

the

adult

who accompanies them will remind them constantly about sleeping or studying.

This

will teach them a lesson that they need to take care of other things too.

This

also

can become an alternative for a parent to spend time with their kids

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they are too busy working or studying during the day. In conclusion,

teenagers

would benefit more if they came out during the

night

together with

adult

. An

adult

will make sure that their kids are safe everywhere.

Moreover

, it can become an alternative for parents and their kids to spend time together. Ultimately, it will be a good idea to implement

this

rule in all of the other

states

as well.

Submitted by permata_188 on Sun Aug 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition to safety" can help link the paragraphs more effectively.

task achievement

In terms of task response, improving the depth of your examples can make your argument more persuasive. For instance, providing a specific instance or statistic about crime rates affecting teenagers can enrich your argument.

task achievement

Make sure that all ideas are fully developed. Some assertions, such as teenagers learning to differentiate people they can trust, could be expanded upon for greater clarity and impact.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that succinctly present your stance and wrap up your argument effectively.

coherence cohesion

The main points are supported with relevant ideas and logical reasoning, such as the need for safety and ensuring proper sleep for teenagers.

task achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both the safety issue and the importance of developing responsibility among teenagers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

enforce
juvenile
repercussions
autonomy
adolescence
paternalistic
delinquency
municipality
ordinance
authoritarian
peer pressure
social dynamics
civil liberties
community policing
preventative measures

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
The media has become too influential in peoples lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's fast-paced world, the media and the internet play a crucial role in our day-to-day lives. I completely disagree with the idea that social media has negative results. while some believe that social media could waste our time and compromise privacy, I contend that media could have both pros and cons and i will elaborate on my opinion.
6.5
band
Write about the following topic:250 words The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.-
While increasing sedentary lifestyles and the rise of health problems might suggest that the assertion that the average standard of people's health will likely decline in the future, I strongly believe that the arguement is fundamentally misguided. In fact, numerous advancements in healthcare, technology, and public awareness indicate a promising trajectory for improvements in health and well-being in the years ahead.
6.5
band
to what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?
In the contemporary nature, data is considered the utmost wealth of an organization or an individual. the development of information technology is playing a crucial role in everyone's day-to-day life. although there are some drawbacks to the advancement of information technology, the uncountable benefits always outweigh the disadvantages. through this essay, I am going to discuss the pros and cons of this.
6.5
band
Large-scale festivals attract tourists, bring economic benefits to an area, while taking away the local culture. Discuss the adv and the dav
Large-scale events draw tourists and encourage economic growth, but they often destroy local culture. It has both positive and negative effects on each area.
7
band
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In this day and age, people's standard of living is always a hotly debated topic. There are some arguments that although agriculture has improvements and developments, many individuals around the world do not have enough food to eat. The following essay will indicate the causes and solution of this problem.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

The media has become too influential in peoples lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write about the following topic:250 words The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.-

to what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

Large-scale festivals attract tourists, bring economic benefits to an area, while taking away the local culture. Discuss the adv and the dav

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+