In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this ?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult

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In recent years, some

states

in the United

States

do not allow

teenagers

to go outside after a certain time at

night

Remove the comma

apply

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unless they’re accompanied by an

adult

. Is

this

rule really necessary nowadays? Some people will argue that

teenagers

have their own free will to do anything.

However

, I personally believe that

this

rule is necessary. Some areas in the United

States

have high crime rates.

Therefore

, it is important to keep our children safe, especially during the

night

Teenagers

can meet and hang out with their friends during the day, but during the

night

it is important that they are accompanied by an

adult

. They can be unsafe during the

night

because of unfamiliar streets or neighbourhoods.

In addition

, youth still learn to differentiate some types of people that they can trust,

hence

adult

can give them protection if a bad person appears.

Secondly

, it is crucial for

teenagers

to be responsible with their life. They need to have at least 8 hours of sleep during the

night

. If they need to come out during the

night

then

the

adult

who accompanies them will remind them constantly about sleeping or studying.

This

will teach them a lesson that they need to take care of other things too.

This

also

can become an alternative for a parent to spend time with their kids

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apply

show examples

because they are too busy working or studying during the day. In conclusion,

teenagers

would benefit more if they came out during the

night

together with

adult

. An

adult

will make sure that their kids are safe everywhere.

Moreover

, it can become an alternative for parents and their kids to spend time together. Ultimately, it will be a good idea to implement

this

rule in all of the other

states

as well.

Submitted by permata_188 on Sun Aug 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition to safety" can help link the paragraphs more effectively.

task achievement

In terms of task response, improving the depth of your examples can make your argument more persuasive. For instance, providing a specific instance or statistic about crime rates affecting teenagers can enrich your argument.

task achievement

Make sure that all ideas are fully developed. Some assertions, such as teenagers learning to differentiate people they can trust, could be expanded upon for greater clarity and impact.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that succinctly present your stance and wrap up your argument effectively.

coherence cohesion

The main points are supported with relevant ideas and logical reasoning, such as the need for safety and ensuring proper sleep for teenagers.

task achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both the safety issue and the importance of developing responsibility among teenagers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

enforce
juvenile
repercussions
autonomy
adolescence
paternalistic
delinquency
municipality
ordinance
authoritarian
peer pressure
social dynamics
civil liberties
community policing
preventative measures

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In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this ?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others belleve it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

More people are educating themselves with online educational sources. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?