IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society
A group of people assumes that shopping
malls
 account for most of the teenagers' leisure
time
, which would negatively affect their society and their own lives.
Also
, the author of
this
 essay agrees with
this
 statement in all ways because of the shortage of
time
 for outdoor
activities
 and their inactivity without an approach to society. It is vital to understand that youngsters nowadays spend most of their free
time
 shopping and lack
time
 to do outdoor
activities
 or homework. Mainly, shopping
malls
 are where going for entertainment, and it is a waste of
time
 to go for no aim in an extended venue.
Moreover
, going out for volunteering or outdoor
activities
 would be more positive and it is one of the most effective methods to contact society, making sense in their life. Another crucial component is that the youngsters who spend most of their
time
 in a mall would only be active in contact with the community.
However
, they can gain many skills about utilizing money, though there are some exceptions.
Nevertheless
, their communication skills are being looked down on, and they indirectly decrease their opportunities to work in a better working environment. Considering that juveniles today spend most of their
time
 in
malls
, it would negatively affect their strength without outdoor
activities
 and their communication skills with each other.
Thus
, their parents should put them under control, and the government should limit the age group that could go to the
malls
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a central idea that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on a stronger conclusion that summarizes your key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Avoid some minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialistic attitudes
  • excessive consumerism
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • peer pressure
  • financial irresponsibility
  • meaningful social relationships
  • family bonding
  • environmental degradation
  • commercial environments
  • productive activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!