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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society
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A group of people assumes that shopping
malls
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 account for most of the teenagers' leisure
time
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, which would negatively affect their society and their own lives.
Also
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, the author of
this
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement in all ways because of the shortage of
time
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 for outdoor
activities
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 and their inactivity without an approach to society. It is vital to understand that youngsters nowadays spend most of their free
time
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 shopping and lack
time
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 to do outdoor
activities
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 or homework. Mainly, shopping
malls
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 are where going for entertainment, and it is a waste of
time
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 to go for no aim in an extended venue.
Moreover
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, going out for volunteering or outdoor
activities
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 would be more positive and it is one of the most effective methods to contact society, making sense in their life. Another crucial component is that the youngsters who spend most of their
time
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 in a mall would only be active in contact with the community.
However
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, they can gain many skills about utilizing money, though there are some exceptions.
Nevertheless
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, their communication skills are being looked down on, and they indirectly decrease their opportunities to work in a better working environment. Considering that juveniles today spend most of their
time
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 in
malls
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, it would negatively affect their strength without outdoor
activities
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 and their communication skills with each other.
Thus
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, their parents should put them under control, and the government should limit the age group that could go to the
malls
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.
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a central idea that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on a stronger conclusion that summarizes your key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Avoid some minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Ideas are mostly clear and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • materialistic attitudes
  • excessive consumerism
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • peer pressure
  • financial irresponsibility
  • meaningful social relationships
  • family bonding
  • environmental degradation
  • commercial environments
  • productive activities
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