IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the modern era, people’s lives have become the primary concern. There is an ongoing debate that science should provide facilities and comfort to mankind rather than focusing on other factors, and I completely agree with
this
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 notion. In
this
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 essay, I will explain reasons in favour of my opinion. First and foremost, science should work for the healthcare system for the betterment of mankind.
Although
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 many vaccines have been discovered for the eradication of disease, some health problems still need attention, including many parasitic and viral diseases .COVID-19,
for instance
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, was a life-threatened disease in 2019, had killed millions of people all around the world, mainly aged ones, because of their weakened immune
system
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systems
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.
however
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, scientists from various fields including pharmacists and biotechnologists worked together to eradicate
this
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 disease from the world.
Consequently
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, they discovered the vaccine, to immunize the body from the virus. Now, 98% of people are immune from the COVID-19 virus.
On the other hand
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, the food we eat is another concern for the agricultural scientist. several problems in the
last
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 decade, where the land became unfertile
due to
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 the wrong choice of pesticides and destroyed thousands of crops, affecting the country’s economy
as well as
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 human life.
As a result
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, agricultural
scientist
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scientists
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 came together to produce a healthy pesticide, in order to provide healthy and nutritious food to the people.
Furthermore
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, through a healthy diet, we can prevent and cure many health-related problems,
for example
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, guava is good for constipation and citrus foods are a good source of vitamin C. In conclusion, scientists have been working for the betterment of people’s lives, including improvement in the healthcare system through the eradication of life-threatening diseases, and by providing healthy food to the population by improving the quality of pesticides.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, make sure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. While you have provided a clear position and relevant examples, integrating a more nuanced discussion around differing views could deepen the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, aim to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs and within them. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively can help link ideas more smoothly. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structuring for a more balanced essay.
General
To fine-tune your essay further, consider revisiting sentence structure variation and accuracy, and pay attention to punctuation usage, as this will also impact the readability and coherence of your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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