Some people think that the government is wasting money on the art and this money could be better spent elsewhere .to what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that some individuals believe that the government is squandering
money
on art
when it could be used more effectively in other areas. I am agree
with Change the verb form
agree
the
both sidesRemove the article
apply
and
. Correct word choice
apply
In
Change preposition
This
this
essay will shed light on both statements and will provide my opinion .
On the one hand, spending money
on the
Correct article usage
apply
art
by the administration may be
lead to the rise of the economy for the county Unnecessary verb
apply
throughout
attracting a lot of visitors. To make it more clear, Change preposition
apply
art
such
as; musicians, singers and actors are most popular by majority
of Add an article
the majority
people
so, when the government decide to hosting
them in Change the verb
host
region
Add an article
the region
this
can help to refresh the area and attract mankind like this
concerts. Moreover
, art
teaches people
about their own culture and history. For Example
, without government funding, we are not able to protect our cultural heritage and most artists would not be able to work as they don’t make enough wealth to support themselves.
On the other hand
, some humans believe that money
should spend
on education rather Wrong verb form
be spent
that
Correct word choice
than
art
. To elaborate; education play
a crucial role in Change the verb form
plays
the
society for the individual. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
; without learning people
will not able
to protect Add a missing verb
be able
the
society and themselves.Correct article usage
apply
Morever
,some humankind argue that Correct your spelling
Moreover
this
money
should spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
in
the health sector ,Change preposition
on
where
can provide more Correct word choice
which
advancement
Replace the word
advanced
system
to take care of Fix the agreement mistake
systems
people
as this
more
important than Add a missing verb
is more
art
.
To sum up
, as we have seen. There is no easy answer to this
question. On balance. however
, I tend to believe that public services such
as education and healthcare need more funding but they should not forget about supporting arts as arts add beauty and creativity to our lives, which is still valuable.Submitted by khulood.92 on
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coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay, which is great. However, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
While you addressed both sides of the argument, it was not done in a balanced manner. Try to equally elaborate on your points when discussing both sides of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will make your argument more compelling and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulate your ideas well.
task achievement
It’s great that you considered both sides of the argument and provided your opinion, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.