IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A rise in childhood obesity is a real threat to health with an increasing number of children now classified as overweight. What are the causes of the problem and what measures can be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.

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There is no doubt that these days childhood
health
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a very
interested
Replace the word
interesting
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 topic in many countries.
However
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,childhood obesity
considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
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 one of the most controversial
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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 today.In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I am going to explain the causes and effects of
this
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 phenomenon and I will give some solutions to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
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increasing
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 , there are many reasons that
contributes
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contribute
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 to
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
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Linking Words
Change preposition
of this
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 issues.First of all , unhealthy food habits
such
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 as
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of junk food like chips and sweets which contain a lot of sugar and oil
along with
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 calories
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can increase the weight of youngsters and can create various
health
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 issues namely cancer and heart problems.
Moreover
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, spending too much
time
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 on social media can
also
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 be a reason
of
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for
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 obesity as these days,
children
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 invest their leisure
time
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 on various platforms: watching television, scrolling reels and playing indoor games that can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 their
health
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 as they do not prefer to do exercise or outdoor activities which can make them healthy
..
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.
...
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On the other hand
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 , there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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several solutions that can alleviate
this
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 habit . First of
all
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all,
show examples
 parents should
make
Correct your spelling
take
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 control
for
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of
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 the
time
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of
Change preposition
apply
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their
children
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 watching television and playing games.
However
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, they give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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limited
time
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for instance
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 at
leat
Correct your spelling
least
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 two
hourse
Correct your spelling
hours
 each day.
Moreover
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, parents have to monitor their
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
abot
Correct your spelling
about
 the kind
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 food they eat .
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 they should give their
children
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 some advice about the harmful results of staying
long
Change the article
a long
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time
Use synonyms
 watching television and
advice
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advise
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 them to
practice
Verb problem
apply
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exercise and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 sports.
To conclude
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,
chidrens’
Correct your spelling
children’
health
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 is important,
however
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 , every individual should be monitoring their
children
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 as
the
Change the word
their
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health
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consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
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 the best investment in
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
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.
Additionally
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, obesity has a negative influence
in
Change preposition
on
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kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
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futures
Fix the agreement mistake
future
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 lives.

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introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, providing a good framework for your essay.
logical structure
You provided a logical sequence in addressing the causes before moving on to solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childhood obesity
  • Overweight
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Nutritional education
  • Physical activity
  • Screen time
  • Fast food consumption
  • Sugar-rich beverages
  • Dietary choices
  • Urbanization
  • Genetic factors
  • Predispose
  • Environmental factors
  • Health threat
  • Lifestyle choices
What to do next:
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