IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With more and more people communicating via computers and mobile telephones, there is a real danger that we are losing the ability to communicate with others face to face. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #telephones #danger #ability #face
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Our
communication
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 way has been changed significantly by
computers
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 and
phones
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 which may lead to the potential of losing physical
communication
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. I firmly disagree with
this
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 statement that we are under the danger of disability to communicate
face
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 to
face
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.
This
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 essay will explore several reasons for that matter.
To begin
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 with,
communication
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 plays a vital role in our society;
therefore
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, in order to build a healthy nation we must ensure it properly. In the contemporary world,
people
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 often engage with their
phones
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 or
computers
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 to connect with each other which results in to consideration of
this
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 approach being dangerous by some
people
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.
However
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,
this
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 is natural for individuals to communicate via the least technological devices.
Moreover
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, through
phones
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 and
computers
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,
people
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 can express and communicate over long distances.
This
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 opportunity makes it remarkably advantageous to use.
For instance
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, I used to speak with my uncle who lives abroad via phone.
Besides
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 that, if we use these devices consciously, there will be no drawbacks for us. In terms of losing our ability to communicate
face
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 to
face
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, I would like to say physical
communication
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 is a basic human need and it would remain with us.
Hence
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, spreading awareness will be a convenient way to hinder the negative consequences of digital
communication
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 .
For example
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, In schools, we can teach youngsters about how to manage their phone or computer usage. In conclusion,
although
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 many
people
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 nowadays prefer
phones
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 and
computers
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 to communicate, it does not have a detrimental effect if we have them under control.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples to illustrate your points better. For example, provide more detail about how digital communication benefits you and others in your life.
supported main points
Review the essay for minor grammatical and stylistic errors. While they do not significantly detract from the overall message, polishing these areas will improve readability.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider providing a slightly more balanced perspective by acknowledging some potential drawbacks of digital communication before emphasizing why these concerns are mitigated or unimportant.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which effectively encapsulates your main argument.
complete response
You address the prompt effectively, providing a full response to the task and adequately exploring your viewpoint.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to your ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
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