In some societies, the number of crimes commited by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary epoch, criminality among youth is a growing concern.Many
people
think that punishing an individual is important to stop him from participating in criminal activities. I contend it is important to punish anyone who has committed a crime because it will allow them to rectify their mistakes and protect their
future
.
Although
crimes
are controlled by government authorities, little has been done to ameliorate
this
dilemma. Committing a crime is a serious issue and it poses a threat to the
future
prospects because youth is the
future
of the nation.Many
people
are involved in various
crimes
such
as Drug trafficking and human trafficking.
For instance
, reports from India
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
that nearly 80% of the population is involved in drug trafficking. Whoever is seen engaged in criminal acts must be incarcerated, so that
people
must deter themselves from involving in
such
crimes
.
Furthermore
, it will allow a person to ponder over his mistakes and
this
will allow him to rectify them, after being released from prison.
Therefore
, enforcement of laws is imperative in order to overcome
this
situation.
Moreover
,
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
of the youths’
future
is a prime responsibility of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
of the youngsters are found in cyber
crimes
and
robbery
Fix the agreement mistake
robberies
show examples
. Stopping them from engaging in
crimes
will aid them to be cognizant about their
future
.
However
, it is essential that they are being punished
first
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that they think over their act. If youth is not stopped from participating in
crimies
Correct your spelling
crimes
, it will lead to a disastrous
future
.
As a result
, youngsters’
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
can only be protected if the elderly take appropriate steps. In a nutshell,
elvating
Correct your spelling
elevating
criminality can only be deterred by instilling fear among
people
by a
misdemeanor
Change the spelling
misdemeanour
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it is suggested that
people
, irrespective of their age, must be held guilty
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
transgressing their legislation. It not only affects the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
life only, but
also
tarnishes
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
reputation as well.
Therefore
, proactive measures should be taken to decrease the rates of
crimes
.
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and shows a clear position regarding the punishment of teenagers who commit major crimes. However, try to provide more relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on expanding your points with more comprehensive ideas and evidence to fully develop your response. Ensure each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, consider reinforcing logical connections between sentences and paragraphs to make the structure more robust.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with concrete examples or statistics that are directly related to your argument. This will help clarify and reinforce your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the issue and your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good command of language and a clear intent to persuade the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • psychological maturity
  • consequences of their actions
  • juvenile crime
  • root causes
  • family breakdown
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • harsh penalties
  • rehabilitation and reformation
  • capacity for change
  • detrimental psychological effects
  • age-appropriate interventions
  • constructive path
  • deterrent
  • overcrowded prisons
  • exacerbate criminal behavior
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