IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some companies encourage workers to be competitive, while others encourage teamwork. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There are two ways how
companies
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 encourage their
workers
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 to
work
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.One is competitive.And second is working with a team.
Although
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 working with competition could lead to developing themselves, working with teamwork could help widen the horizons of people.
On the other hand
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, when employees
work
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 with competition they will have the desire to
work
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 and win over someone.
As a result
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, they will
work
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 more and more and they can see how they developing themselves.
For example
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, it was proved that in 2017 there was an experiment in which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
USA
companies
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 encouraged to
work
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 with competition and in the survey, 70% of employees started working on themselves, and
also
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 they were motivated to
work
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.
Thus
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, for these reasons, it could be helpful.
On the other hand
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, when
workers
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work
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 in a group, there are a lot of benefits sides. First of all, it could help to widen of horizons of
workers
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.
Moreover
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, they can share ideas with each other
as well as
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 help and support. And it would be easy for them to find solutions to problems.
For instance
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, it was proved that in 2018 there was an experiment in which UK
companies
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 inspired
workers
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 to
work
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 with a team and by the end of the survey 85% of
workers
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 worked more friendly and it was easy to solve problems.
Therefore
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 for these reasons, it could play an important for
companies
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.
To sum up
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, working with competitors could be essential for their development but I personally think that , working with a group should be everywhere, as it gives friendly relationships and better problem-solving skills.

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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences and avoid unnecessary repetition of verbs.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing more in-depth analysis of examples and developing your arguments further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarizes the main points.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured and easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive environment
  • Personal goals
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Toxic workplace culture
  • Collaboration
  • Creative solutions
  • Morale
  • Job satisfaction
  • Retention rates
  • Decision-making processes
  • Accountability
  • Balanced approach
  • Integrating
  • Striving for personal achievement
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