Some say that children should engage in co curricular activities and some say they should keep themselves busy on their own. Discuss both the view points and give your opinion

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My interest in studying the ‘Graduate Diploma of Public Health’ at Torrens University comes from different reasons. First of all, Public Health is a crucial field to manage and control healthcare systems

as well as

Linking Words

introduce health promotion and disease prevention policies.

Secondly

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, it is required to dive deeper into healthcare research implementing public health techniques to implement precise methodologies and accurate results.

Additionally

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although

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it is well known that there are multiple universities which offer programs related to ‘Public Health’ not only in Colombia but

also

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in Australia, the curriculum offered by Torrens University has a perfect balance between its core subjects and its specialisations with some topics which definitely are not available in other institutions. Concomitantly, people from developing countries should learn and implement emerging tools in countries where there are well-structured academic programs.

Then

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, integrative learning by completing international training will give me appropriate innovative tools which will be correctly implemented in my country in order to improve our healthcare regulations and management.

Finally

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, my mid-term future goals are related to applying for a medical speciality training program in Internal Medicine.

Therefore

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this

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course will complete my curriculum to be more competitive and outstanding.

Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on Sun Aug 11 2024

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coherence cohesion

It looks like your essay has a strong introduction and body paragraphs, but it lacks a clear conclusion that ties all points together.

coherence cohesion

Ensure there are smooth transitions between your paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.

task achievement

You should include more specific examples or experiences to back up your claims about the importance of Public Health and the education system at Torrens University.

task achievement

Your task response is very comprehensive. You clearly address why you are interested in studying Public Health and specifically at Torrens University.

coherence cohesion

You generally maintain a logical structure throughout your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

197 words

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Some say that children should engage in co curricular activities and some say they should keep themselves busy on their own. Discuss both the view points and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Humans are responsible for a variety of environmental problems, but can also take steps in order to reduce the damage caused to the plandlet. This essay will discuss environmental problems, the role of government and individual in addressing this issue affecting the planet.

Ielts Academic Writing Task 1 - Stacked Bar Chart One Hundred adults, boys and girls in a city were asked to name the sports they participated in. The outcomes were recorded in a stacked bar chart

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.