IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education and every school should include them in its syllabus.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #art #subjects #music #drama #part #education #school #syllabus
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I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion that some
majors
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 like
art
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 are important and the educational system should put them on their education plan for these reasons that
art
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subjects
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 are as important as other
subjects
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 and many
students
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 are looking forward to continuing some
majors
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 like music and theatre. As far as
arts
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 in educational goals are as necessary as science is in the study area it could be so helpful for
students
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 future to improve their abilities in these categories. Having opportunities for children and adolescents to learn and know other kinds of
subjects
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 in school absolutely develops their mindset and style of thinking about what they want to be when they grow up.
For example
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, a student who is studying in a manual school with the general
types
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 of basic information does not have any idea of
arts
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 or being an artist;
However
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, another student in other
schools
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 that has another type of
subjects
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 like
art
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 matters can try more things that can be the reason of being an artist or find its talent
also
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 improve them. So developing
art
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majors
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 is a perfect idea for
students
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. Some
students
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 around the world are so keen on learning some
art
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majors
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while
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 their
schools
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 do not teach these
types
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 of
subjects
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. do not have a majority of different materials in
schools
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 these days it is a huge problem and leads to children going towards
Arts
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schools
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 that are teaching
arts
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 in professional ways so if
schools
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 start these
art
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 courses, educating would be much easier and more enjoyable for children.
For example
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, if a child sees the school that he or she is going to has a lot of
types
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 of different
subjects
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 for education, it could make
this
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 child more excited for education and educating with love has a better effect on life and future. In conclusion,
arts
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 stuff are necessary to develop as much as other
types
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 of educational matters and
also
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 can be helpful for finding talents in
schools
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.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task prompt, but there is still room for improvement. Ensure that every main point is fully developed and clearly articulated.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows logically, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on improving the fluidity between different points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to the overall argument. This will help in presenting a more cohesive essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing the significance of arts in education.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and relevant to the topic, showcasing a solid understanding of the subject matter.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Curricula
  • Foster creativity
  • Emotional development
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Historical perspectives
  • Enhance academic performance
  • Communication
  • Employability
  • Soft skills
  • Problem-solving
  • Mental health
  • Stress reduction
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Diverse cultures
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Self-expression
  • Holistic education
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