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Writing Samples
Band 6

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#homelessness #cities #world #measures
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It is widely believed that many
cities
 around the world are facing a serious problem which is housing shortage. One of the reasons that may be
conconsidered
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considered
 is the development of
population
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the population
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. In order to find the solutions, I think governments should have some new effective policies. The lack of accommodation may come from increasing
of
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apply
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demand in these specific places.
Firstly
, in today's fast-paced development of
cities
 and towns, the young generation tends to move to big
cities
, which creates more opportunities for their career.
Secondly
, the stimulation of industry, travel, and entertainment in urban. Nobody can deny the convenience
as well as
 the benefit of what these services bring.
Due to
 the appearance of the central park, ecotourism area, and industrial factory area...
this
 leads to the housing shortage. To solve these difficulties, I believe that governments and organizations should bring innovation policies. Which not only cares about big
cities
 but
also
 concentrates on rural areas. To be more specific, the suburban areas
also
 have convenient services and open chances for starting careers. The attention of citizens will be divided into both places.
In addition
, unleashing their own unique locations is a prominent key.
For example
, the sea
cities
 could concentrate on opening resorts, tours for visitors, and tourism.
Moreover
, another solution is to increase the knowledge of people in these places. What they might do with their newly acquired knowledge could develop their hometown in sustainable ways, which could make a signature for each place around the country. In conclusion,
while
this
 issue of housing shortage can be difficult to solve, there are still some ways that could deal with these challenges.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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task achievement
Clarify the main causes and solutions more explicitly in each paragraph. Linking the causes directly to the homelessness issue will help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs start with clear topic sentences. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily and enhances the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.
task achievement
You raise relevant points about the reasons behind housing shortages and propose potential solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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