Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environment pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Being sick is one of the most difficult situations that humans have experienced. Several people argue that the
government
should implement some strategies to decrease environmental pollution
and housing problems. However
, I disagree with this
view in two areas.
Firstly
, I concede that the government
plays an important role in reducing pollution
in the area and as a result
, helps to prevent illnesses related to air pollution
like Asma, or water pollution
etc. However
, it is noteworthy to say that the majority of sicknesses are hereditary and they are not related to the government
or any other external factors. Apart from that, providing the opportunity to own a house by
the Change preposition
apply
government
for the public does not guarantee prevention
of all types of illnesses. Correct article usage
the prevention
This
may just impact stress or mental problems.
Secondly
, although
supporters of intervention of the government
by reducing pollution
or tackling home
issues are argued
that certain Wrong verb form
argue
diseases
may related to climate or having a home
, there are many kinds of diseases
which are manmade like COVID-19 or common between animals and humans such
as different types of Parasite diseases
. Almost all of
Change preposition
apply
artificial
viruses which are made in laboratories are unknown and neither the Add an article
the artificial
government
nor even scientists are able to deal with them. In my opinion, for these illnesses which are not related to environment
or having a Add an article
the environment
home
basically, the government
would not have any effective solution.
In conclusion, defenders of the government
's role in becoming sick are argued
that authorities should Wrong verb form
argue
decline
Verb problem
reduce
pollution
or solve house issues, I wholeheartedly believe that as the majority of diseases
are hereditary or caused by manmade viruses, the government
is not able to tackle them by changing environment or giving home
.Submitted by Maral.qanbarii1992 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clearer logical structure in your essay. While your points are valid, they seem somewhat disjointed. Make sure each paragraph flows from one idea to the next more seamlessly.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are fully supported with relevant and specific examples. This gives your arguments more weight and persuasiveness.
task achievement
While you have adequately addressed the task, strengthen your argument by providing more detailed and precise examples that directly relate to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear start and end to your essay, making the structure easy to follow at a high level.
task achievement
You have presented a full response to the question, providing arguments for why you disagree with the initial statement.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and you make valid points about the limitations of government intervention in preventing illness and disease.