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Band 5

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#college #students #home #parents
Adulthood begins at the mere age of 18 ,
this
 is the age in which a person attains a strong sense of maturity.I strongly believe it is better for scholars to live far away rather than with their
parents
 as
this
 surely encourages a sense of responsibility and
overall
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better character development. On the one hand, staying far away could make one
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
 and acquire basic life skills
such
 as cooking and driving etc
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
Furthermore
,
this
 makes the child hold a sentimental value towards their
parents
 and
provoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
provokes
show examples
 a sense of importance and value.
Moreover
,
this
 teaches one the ability to handle their finances and bills and make wise
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 which could indeed have a major impact on their life.
This
 goes back to the time of my senior year
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 many students moved away from their
parents
 to improve
themseleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
while
 managing
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
 so,
this
 could be said moving away teaches time management.
On the other hand
, children who tend to live far away
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 the students who migrate to urban places from rural areas have ways of diverting their minds into unnecessary activities
such
alcohol
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as alcohol
show examples
 and drugs.
In addition
 to the prior
statement
Add a comma
statement,
show examples
 they tend to focus less on their main purpose which is education. In conclusion, pupils who tend to stay alone have a better
understaning
Correct your spelling
understanding
 of how the world works and will learn skills
such
 as management , cooking etc..
however
, it could be said that many
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 prosper well in their studies as they are provided a better living standard in their houses with their
parents
.
Submitted by rehanaafeesrs on

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to support your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Avoid leaving points underdeveloped. For instance, the negative impact of living away from parents could benefit from further elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion and clearly state your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs discussing the benefits and drawbacks of living away from home.
task achievement.
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt to cover both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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