IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It argues that university
students
Use synonyms
 need to be closer to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 when they study, and some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should get knowledge
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long distance from
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. I think, that living far away from university has more benefits than drawbacks, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both of them. ​The main advantage of living away from
home
Use synonyms
 is preparing for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult life. Living without family can help to take responsibility
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 yourself.
As a result
Linking Words
, you can understand the many challenging parts of life.
For example
Linking Words
, pupils from young days learn how to buy things on
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 and how to economy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money. All of
this
Linking Words
 can provide
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 experience and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning many necessary skills
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 finance literacy.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is better if studier
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a long distance from
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
home
Use synonyms
. ​The
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 situation is
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
control
Use synonyms
 from
parents
Use synonyms
. If
students
Use synonyms
 live without family,
parents
Use synonyms
 can not
control
Use synonyms
as
Correct pronoun usage
them as
show examples
 well.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, they can make wrong decisions and get
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 with
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 people.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the adaptation for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 place will be difficult alone.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children and give chance to gain experience. Even if, it is hard for
parents
Use synonyms
 they can
control
Use synonyms
 them.
For instance
Linking Words
, set trackers that
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 information about location. It will help to
control
Use synonyms
 and to trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children. ​
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 many drawbacks, I think the benefits will be more important than other things. And living far away from
home
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 good experiences and
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to prepare for big life.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The introduction could be clearer by directly stating your position and briefly outlining what the essay will discuss. Avoid vague language like 'it argues' and specify what will be covered.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect readability. Consider revising for clarity and correctness, e.g., 'economy the money' should be 'manage money.'
task response
Your arguments and examples are relevant, but they need to be more specific and detailed to fully support your points. Expand on examples and provide more concrete details.
task response
You have effectively outlined both sides of the argument, which strengthens the overall discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which ties the essay together well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: