Sexual education should be mandatory in high schools. to what extent to you agree or disagree
Some argued that giving
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
of
sexual Change preposition
on
education
to students
should be imposed in high school
. I firmly agree this
policy would raise student's awareness about their reproductive organ and how to maintain their sexual health. I would
give Wrong verb form
will
Correct article usage
a detail
detail
explanation Replace the word
detailed
about
these reasons in the following paragraphs.
Change preposition
of
To begin
with, we are currently living in the modernized and digitalized era, which
Change preposition
in which
is
everyone including Unnecessary verb
apply
young
generation and Correct article usage
the young
students
, have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
a
greater access to the internet. It means that they have a big risk of exposing Remove the article
apply
into
pornography in various Change preposition
to
ways
, including inevitable
embedded streaming videos when they watch Change the word
inevitably
youtube
or Correct your spelling
YouTube
in
any Change preposition
apply
platforms
. Children are mostly the primary target market of Correct word choice
other platforms
porn
industry. Add an article
the porn
Thus
, parents and teachers should collaborated
together in encountering Change the verb form
collaborate
this
issue. One of simpler
Correct article usage
the simpler
ways
is making
Change the verb form
to make
the
sexual Correct article usage
apply
education
into Correct article usage
a school's
school's
curriculum and become mandatory for Change noun form
school
students
. This
policy may raise awareness among them about their reproductive organs for boys and girls. Apart from that, they will obtain comprehensive knowledge about what they will and will not get if they do 'what tehy
should not do' like Correct your spelling
they
an
early sexual intercourse. the whole sexual Remove the article
apply
education
concept can be embedded in current subjects, like biology, religions
, and moral norms.
The Fix the agreement mistake
religion
last
, after knowing what is the danger of getting improper knowledge about sex and reproductive organs, students
later will get information about how to maintain their sexual health like keep
Change preposition
by keeping
hygiene
of their Add an article
the hygiene
body
, Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
consume
healthy food, Wrong verb form
consuming
get
proper sleep, and Wrong verb form
getting
do
some regular exercises. All these factors Wrong verb form
doing
has
important roles Change the verb form
have
to keep
their body stay healthy and fit.
Change preposition
in keeping
To sum up
, introducing sexual education
to high school's
Change noun form
school
students
is essential to protect themselves from the potential people that may endangers
or Change the verb form
endanger
exploits
them in sexual Correct subject-verb agreement
exploit
ways
. This
action will be one of the most effective ways
for them since they spend about one-third their
time per day at Change preposition
of their
school
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Grammar and Sentence Structure
Your introduction presents your stance clearly, which is great. However, there are some grammatical and structural inconsistencies that can be improved. For example, "Some argued" should be "Some argue" and "give detail explanation" should be "give a detailed explanation."
Content Development
In the body paragraphs, try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when you discuss the dangers of pornography, you can include statistics or studies to strengthen your argument.
Conclusion Improvement
In conclusion, you have successfully summed up your argument, but it can be made stronger. Reiterate the key points in a more concise and impactful manner. Also, ensure that your concluding sentence is powerful and leaves a lasting impression.
Structure Highlight
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content Highlight
You stayed on topic and provided reasons to support your stance, reflecting a good grasp of the subject.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.