IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph illustrates the average number of hours per day that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.

The graph illustrates the average number of hours per day that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.
#hours #children #television
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010. Over
this
Linking Words
 period, there was a significant fluctuation in children's television viewing habits, with notable increases and following decreases in viewing time. From 1950 to 1960, the figure of
hours
Use synonyms
 kids spent watching TV was minimal, remaining below 1 hour per
day
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, starting in the 1960s, there was a dramatic increase in viewing time. By the early 1970s, youth TV habits had escalated to nearly 4
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend continued into the late 1970s, peaking at around 4.5
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 in the early 1980s. Subsequent to
this
Linking Words
 peak, there was a gradual decline in television viewing. The number of
hours
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly but remained relatively high at around 4
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 through the 1990s.
However
Linking Words
, from the early 2000s onwards, kids' media consumption began to decline more noticeably, dropping to just above 3
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 by 2010. In summary, the data indicates a substantial rise from the 1950s to the 1980s,
ensued
Verb problem
followed
show examples
 by a gradual decline in the ensuing decades.
This
Linking Words
 pattern reflects evolving trends in children's media engagement, likely driven by the emergence of alternative entertainment and media options in the 21st century.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, day with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: