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Many believe that the goal of one's career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#career #passion #livelihood
In the recent era, many believe that individuals should consider their
passion
 or hobby as a career option,
while
 others opine that it is not a smart choice as it's
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only method of survival.
This
 essay will discuss whether following a
passion
 is a good decision or
individuals
Correct word choice
whether individuals
show examples
 should take up regular jobs which are available in the present day.
To begin
 with, every individual has a different set of
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
 or a
passion
 which they wish to follow, but they do not get enough support from their parents or elders to
Correct your spelling
pursue
pursure
Correct pronoun usage
pursure it
show examples
, as it is believed that converting a
passion
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job is risky.
Although
, it is not necessary that
this
 mindset might be true. There are a number of popular personalities
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 famous singers, actors and
artists
 who have stated in their
biography
Fix the agreement mistake
biographies
show examples
 about the hate and negativity they received from their family, friends or other people when they were struggling in their initial years before they got successful. It is not always necessary
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a person following a
passion
 to
be failed
Wrong verb form
fail
show examples
.
For instance
, a survey from Hollywood states that around 78% of
artisits
Correct your spelling
artists
 who are passionate about their work
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 signed up for extra roles or movies if they are consistent and hardworking.
On the contrary
, many people believe that
passion
 does not
gaurantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 a secure future.
This
 might be true to some extent as earnings are totally
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
market trends. Celebrities who are popular may lose contracts with their employers in the future,
also
 the
artists
 who are new in the industry can get exploited by some greedy contractors.
For instance
, a market trend study from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 UK production house suggests some interesting facts
such
 as, the
artists
 who were earning
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
millions in the late 1990s lost around 90% of their total earnings by the year 2000 and
due to
 the increased competition newbie
artists
 are willing to work even below the minimum wage. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, many
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 people become successful by following their
passion
, as it takes several years to achieve
milstones
Correct your spelling
milestones
,
also
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 or fame is not
gauranteed
Correct your spelling
guaranteed
 even if you are the most unique or talented artist in the choice of your industry.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity and coherence
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs
task achievement
Expand on your supporting points with more detailed examples to make your argument stronger
task achievement
Avoid repetitive phrases and sentences to enhance readability and make your essay more engaging
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided a balanced discussion, which meets the task requirements well
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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