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Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #people #outweigh
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There is no denying that some countries are experiencing a growth in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of young
people
 compared with older ones in
this
 essay I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages and I will express my point of view depending on several factors.
To begin
 with, when the population includes more young
this
 will stimulate the country
in other words
 we can say that young can
work
 in different fields and have the ability to
work
 for several hours with the same performance and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ambition unlike old
people
 who can not
work
 for long hours and can not do it effectively
however
 youth can
work
 as workers in the country's future projects with low salaries which will lead to higher growth in the economy.
Secondly
, most old
people
 suffer from different illnesses to be clear they are retired and they will be a burden on the economy
thirdly
 young are more active in
for instance
 the country will be full of active
people
 with better health
in addition
 to
this
 old
people
 do not have a modern thinking
However
, having less old age means young
people
 have the chance to find more jobs. On the other ,hand old
people
 are wise enough
for example
 their wisdom can be beneficial for young children and they have enough experience to make fewer mistakes .
In addition
 to
this
 old
people
 have more knowledge and experiences that younger generations can learn from. In conclusion, there are many benefits of having more young
people
however
 older
people
 are
also
 beneficial for society.
Submitted by amjadalsamman on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating clear and concise thesis statements in the introduction to set the tone for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and cohesive devices more effectively to improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points; this will make your arguments more persuasive and clearer.
Task Achievement
Avoid generalizations. When mentioning an idea, try to explain and support it with some evidence or a clear example.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having a larger number of young people compared to older people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The language used is generally clear and understandable, making the essay easy to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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