The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweigh is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people? How can this problem be solved?
Nowadays, a large
number
of people
are suffering from excess weight
and it is clear that
they have the chance of getting risky health
issues. There are several reasons why the number
of overweight people
is rising in this
society, and also
this
essay will provide some solutions to this
problem.
To begin
, one of the causes of overweight mankind is a poor diet, which means that the prevalence of fast food
, sugary drinks, and processed foods leads to unhealthy eating habits. By doing this
, humanity can take some harmful aspects into their body and health
, where these dangerous fragments or chemicals are able to put people
's health
at risk. Moreover
, not just junk food
is able to do it, but also
the lack of physical activity can affect negatively. If overweight people
do not exercise
or go to the GYM, they will also
experience a number
of problems
with their health
because the paucity of physical activities influences weight
gain: less physical activity means they will lose weight
. In addition
, the healthy options of food
are usually costly, making them less attractive to lower-income families; consequently
, they will choose junk food
that is
cheaper.
Nevertheless
, in order to solve these issues, governments, first of all, could provide a large number
of special centres where those struggling with excess weight
could exercise
for free. This
opportunity would easily change lives of the most part of people
, making them more attractive and grateful. Secondly
, some have genetic health
problems
that cause them to gain weight
; therefore
, states could improve their medical industries and provide better medical support and assistance for weight
management. These methods of solving problems
are able to help people
due to
the fact that they are more logical.
In conclusion, although
individuals are gaining excess weight
because of lack of exercise
and normal food
, they could completely solve their problems
by doing some extra exercise
by going to the gym, which is provided by the government for free. Moreover
, they will have the opportunity to get excellent medical assistance if states upgrade medical facilities.Submitted by talgattan4ez on
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task achievement
To further improve the task response, consider providing more specific examples to support the claims about unhealthy diets and lack of exercise. For instance, citing statistics or studies could make the argument more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of using 'moreover' and 'in addition' consecutively, try substituting 'furthermore' or 'additionally' to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on complex sentences and use a broader range of grammar and vocabulary to move closer to a higher band score. This will make your essay more engaging and reflective of a high-level English proficiency.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have provided logical reasons for overweight issues and offered feasible solutions, meeting the task requirements well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow the argument from start to finish.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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