People’s lives are now surrounded by advertisements. This affects what people consider important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
men
and Change noun form
men's
women
lives are carried around advertisements and Change noun form
women's
this
affects the priority of people
,and also
show
negative impacts on their Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
life
. I totally agree with Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
statement because advertisements influence
people's
to buy unnecessary Change noun form
people
products
and also
show negative imapct
on mental Correct your spelling
impact
as well as
on health.
The primary reason is that adverts
heavily influence
on
Change preposition
apply
people
's mind
. It made them purchase unnecessary Fix the agreement mistake
minds
products
,and create
financial stress on them . Wrong verb form
created
People
most
likely to buy new Add a missing verb
are most
products
in order to stay update
with Wrong verb form
updated
trend
and fashion ,eventually, Fix the agreement mistake
trends
this
leds
to financial strain on their Correct your spelling
leads
mind
. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
For instance
, in India , most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
bollywood
Change the capitalization
Bollywood
actor
purchase Fix the agreement mistake
actors
buy
Verb problem
apply
property
and Add an article
the property
a property
at
the Change preposition
in
end
some of the Add a comma
end,
property
Fix the agreement mistake
properties
ceased
Wrong verb form
ceases
due to
unable
to pay Correct word choice
the inability
full
loan Add an article
the full
a full
of
the house .
Another reason Change preposition
for
in
Change preposition
apply
which
Correct word choice
why
adverts
influence
people
to buy acoholic
drinks which Correct your spelling
alcoholic
shows
Change the verb form
show
bad
Add an article
the bad
effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
men
and Change noun form
men's
womens
health . In most cases , Correct your spelling
women
women's
people
who addicted
to alcohol are more attracted to alcoholic Add a missing verb
are addicted
adverts
,and this
sway people's
to buy the drink as soon as possible. The purpose of Change noun form
people
adverts
are
to sell more and more even Change the verb form
is
Correct word choice
if it
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
causes
illnesses like obesity , stroke Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
and
diabetes etc . For Correct word choice
apply
examaple
, Hennessy Correct your spelling
example
adverts
often portay
attractive men and women in a luxurious setting,drinking cognac with beautiful Correct your spelling
portray
woman
.
In conclusion , there is no doubt that in Fix the agreement mistake
women
a
current Correct article usage
the
time
Add a comma
time,
people
lives are surrounded by advertising and Change noun form
people's
this
shows negative
impact on Correct article usage
a negative
people
's live
by making them purchase unwanted Replace the word
lives
products
and influence
them to buy Wrong verb form
influencing
alcoholc
drinks which could create major health issues.Correct your spelling
alcoholic
alcohol
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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task response
While the essay provides a response to the task, it could offer more comprehensive coverage of the topic. Expand on how advertisements impact various aspects of life, not just health and financial stress.
task response
Ensure the ideas are clearly and completely expressed. For example, explain more thoroughly how financial stress affects people's lives beyond simply causing strain.
task response
Strengthen your examples to make them more relevant and specific. The Bollywood actor example could be more coherent if it ties directly to the influence of advertisements.
coherence cohesion
Check for spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors. For instance, 'men and women lives’ should be 'men's and women's lives', and use 'led' instead of 'leds'.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure to ensure your points are clear and well-supported. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could better paraphrase the task prompt, and the conclusion could reiterate the main points more succinctly.
task response
The essay clearly introduces the topic and presents a viewpoint, which is maintained throughout the response.
task response
The writer offers concrete examples to support their main points, such as the influence of alcohol advertisements.
coherence cohesion
Main points are fairly well-supported, providing some logical connections between advertisements and their negative impacts.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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