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Band 6

The pie charts below show the different types of courses, which were followed by the students during the years of 1984, 1994 and 2004.

The pie charts below show the different types of courses, which were followed by the students during the years of 1984, 1994 and 2004.
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The pie charts compare the different types of
courses
Use synonyms
,which were followed by
students
Use synonyms
 in 1984,1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most
students
Use synonyms
 followed face-to-face
courses
Use synonyms
 for 30 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the least of
students
Use synonyms
 studied in online
courses
Use synonyms
. 13% of
students
Use synonyms
 took mixed media
courses
Use synonyms
 in 1984.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number increased to 15% in 1994, in 2004 jumped to 35%. 20% of
students
Use synonyms
 gave interest in correspondence
courses
Use synonyms
 in 1984 and 1994 respectively. After ten years
this
Linking Words
 number decreased to 15%. in 1994
students
Use synonyms
 followed to new type of course, online
courses
Use synonyms
 and 11% of
students
Use synonyms
 followed it. In 2004 were followed by 10% of the
students
Use synonyms
. The most famous
courses
Use synonyms
 were face-to-face
courses
Use synonyms
, and in 1984 it had 67%,
while
Linking Words
 after ten years
this
Linking Words
 number decreased to 54% and in 2004 it had only 40%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words courses, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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