IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people #lives
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With the development of
science
Use synonyms
, there are some controversies about the most important purpose of
science
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. In my opinion, enhancing
people
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's lives is the most important aim of
science
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. First of all, it is obvious that
science
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 is one of the most significant factors in technological development. The technology contributes to the deeper research of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicine, which helps
people
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 deal with some complex diseases.
Besides
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 the aspect of medicine,
science
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also
Linking Words
 can make
people
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's lives more convenient. In our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, we can't live without electronic equipment
such
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 as smartphones and computers. The technology makes the upgrade of these items that makes it more comfortable for work and leisure.
In addition
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, some robots are
also
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 good tools for
people
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 to deal with burdensome work, like doing house cleaning and even doing some boring and repetitive work. In terms of social problems,
science
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also
Linking Words
 plays a vital role in
this
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 aspect. There are some issues
such
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 as environmental conservation that have troubled humans for a long time.
Due to
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 the dependence
of
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on
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 fossil fuels,
people
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 make the reduction of non-renewable energy resources, which greatly affects the environment. Fortunately,
science
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 can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem to some extent.
For example
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, the fuel
are
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is
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 needed to operate the industry. With the support of
science
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, wind energy and solar energy replace fuel.
Furthermore
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, Global Warming is
also
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 a confusing problem as the gas that comes from car emissions causes air pollution. To deal with it, some electronic transportation is created to replace traditional transportation in order to reduce CO2 emissions. In conclusion, I absolutely agree that the most significant purpose of
science
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 should be to improve
people
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's lives.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a diverse range of sentence structures for enhanced readability.
task achievement
Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition of words like 'science', 'technology', and 'people' to improve lexical resource.
task achievement
In developing arguments, consider both sides of the statement before conclusively agreeing or disagreeing to provide a more balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Use transitions effectively between paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples from technology and environmental issues to support your idea.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of topic sentences to introduce each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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