With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It's hard to deny that with the increasing
city
residents, Correct quantifier usage
number of city
expanding
number of Correct article usage
an expanding
people
choose to buy house
without outdoor Fix the agreement mistake
houses
place
because of lower Fix the agreement mistake
places
price
and Fix the agreement mistake
prices
such
fact
leads impressionable Correct article usage
a fact
people
to generate their idea that citizens' mental health
can be improved because of smaller financial stress. However
, such
statement
suffers from both logical and factual fallacies and it should be examined meticulously. As far as traditional Correct article usage
a statement
culture
, urban environment
and health
are concerned, I strongly hold that the whole phenomenon tends to be negative.
First and foremost, more and more building
with no outdoor space Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
is
able to speed Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Change preposition
up environment
environment
deterioration. To be more specific, high-density Replace the word
environmental
of
housing requires Change preposition
apply
large
quantity of resources Add an article
a large
such
as water, natural gas and others to maintain citizens' basic livings
. Fix the agreement mistake
living
Therefore
, to satisfy the numerous supply
most efficiently and economically, Fix the agreement mistake
supplies
doninant
areas within and around the cities will be exploited and plants which can take in CO2 to Correct your spelling
dominant
dominate
alivate
heat island effect will disappear for lack of water, Correct your spelling
alleviate
thus
environment
will be Correct article usage
the environment
severly
harmed.
Correct your spelling
severely
Futher more
, the fact that those ancient buildings always carry valuable Correct your spelling
Furthermore
culture
indicates that the traditional culture
is under
great danger as many old houses are putting down and will be converted into new buildings for Change preposition
in
accomondation
. Take the case of Dechang, which is now a normal city but used to be a famous middle station in ancient China: a large number of old buildings with gardens built Correct your spelling
accommodation
thousands
years ago are destroyed with the purpose of putting up new lower-price flats to satisfy workers livings, Add the preposition
thousands of
as a result
, except for some old local learners, no one perceives the history of that ancient city, which is the shame of culture
loss.
Nevertheless
, a voice arises that there will be less pressure for people
living in cities because the small flats are cheaper and it's not necessary for them to work longer for the higher salary to pay for the dept of big houses. Ironcially
, Correct your spelling
Ironically
such
a point is unperfected because human's
mental and physical Change noun form
human
health
is impressionally influenced by daily surroundings and habits, and various medical research has already manifisted
that lacking Correct your spelling
manifested
of
outdoor activities can contribute Remove the preposition
apply
anxiety
, Change preposition
to anxiety
stress
and even increase the possibility of virus infection because of poor physical Correct word choice
and stress
health
. Therefore
, homes with outdoor places are vital
important as they provide space to improve Change the adjective
vitally
people
's heath
state.
In a nutshell, I strongly maintain that as As far as Correct your spelling
health
culture
, urban environment
and health
are concerned, the phenomenon that
increasing Change preposition
of that
people
living in Correct quantifier usage
number of people
the
homes without outdoor space is able to develop lots of negative results, which will exceed and cover the positive factors completely.Correct article usage
apply
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task response
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively, some arguments could be clearer and more developed. Particularly, the point on the financial stress relief needs more depth and explanation. Providing more balanced arguments might strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences, although rich in details, can be simplified for better clarity. Try to avoid overly complex structures that might confuse the reader. Additionally, review your writing for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve overall readability.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear structure to your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, making your argument easy to follow.
relevant specific examples
Your essay provides specific examples to support your points, such as the case of Dechang. These examples help to make your arguments more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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