Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people suggest that teenagers should devote equal attention to all

subjects

while

others suggest that they should prioritize the

subjects

that they are interested in and excel at.

This

essay will explain both views. On the one hand, allowing students to decide what they are best at or what they find the most interesting illustrates the respect for individual freedom which leads to developing their passion for learning. When they meet a topic that they are interested in, teenagers are more likely to engage and

motivate

Wrong verb form

be motivated

show examples

to explore knowledge

instead

of being forced to learn something they are not keen on.

For example

, when a student has trouble with math when doing assignment homework.

This

leads to reduced results in all sections as they might become depressed.

Therefore

, creating conditions for students to study with their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

disciples can be a motivation for them to develop their full potential and achieve better learning results.

Furthermore

, learning

this

way can help them to identify their career interests.

This

is because they are more likely to recognize their aptitude for certain areas of expertise, encouraging them to pursue work related to their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

subject in the future.

On the other hand

while

it is essential that adolescents should pursue their interests, they

also

need to receive education for comprehensive development. By studying a variety of

subjects

, young children can study a variety of skills and extensive knowledge base.

For example

, the logical thinking acquired in math lessons or acumen in physics can help provide problem-solving skills, helping children better deal with the real-life difficulties they face in life

as well as

assist young people in developing a broader perspective on the world, leading to better empathy and understanding of different perspectives.

This

is especially necessary in today's globalized society, where cross-cultural communication and collaboration are becoming increasingly important. Another aspect of

this

issue is that studying a wide range of

subjects

can help students identify their strengths and weaknesses, enabling them to pursue future education and career prospects that suit their interests and abilities. In conclusion,

although

there are valid arguments on both sides, I think it is more important to focus on all

subjects

for comprehensive development.

Submitted by jakedth162 on Fri Jan 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clear logical progression of ideas by using cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay; paragraphs should be well-organized and each argument should be logically connected to the previous one.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen supporting main points by providing more specific examples or evidence. While the essay includes examples, additional detail or real-life scenarios would greatly enhance the argument's impact.

task achievement

Task response would improve by examining the prompt more critically, not only discussing both views but also providing a thorough explanation for your opinion; the latter requires a clear and detailed justification.

task achievement

Add more variety and accuracy to the lexical resource by avoiding repetitions and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, ensuring precision and sophistication in word choice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
interdisciplinary
well-rounded knowledge
specialized skills
passion-driven learning
unforeseen future demands
balanced approach
academic strengths
diversified education
curriculum breadth
specialization
career prospects
personal development
cognitive flexibility
adaptability

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