IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #teenagers #focus #subjects
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Some people suggest that teenagers should devote equal attention to all
subjects
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others suggest that they should prioritize the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they are interested in and excel at.
This
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 essay will explain both views. On the one hand, allowing students to decide what they are best at or what they find the most interesting illustrates the respect for individual freedom which leads to developing their passion for learning. When they meet a topic that they are interested in, teenagers are more likely to engage and
motivate
Wrong verb form
be motivated
show examples
 to explore knowledge
instead
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 of being forced to learn something they are not keen on.
For example
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, when a student has trouble with math when doing assignment homework.
This
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 leads to reduced results in all sections as they might become depressed.
Therefore
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, creating conditions for students to study with their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 disciples can be a motivation for them to develop their full potential and achieve better learning results.
Furthermore
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, learning
this
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 way can help them to identify their career interests.
This
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 is because they are more likely to recognize their aptitude for certain areas of expertise, encouraging them to pursue work related to their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 subject in the future.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 it is essential that adolescents should pursue their interests, they
also
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 need to receive education for comprehensive development. By studying a variety of
subjects
Use synonyms
, young children can study a variety of skills and extensive knowledge base.
For example
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, the logical thinking acquired in math lessons or acumen in physics can help provide problem-solving skills, helping children better deal with the real-life difficulties they face in life
as well as
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 assist young people in developing a broader perspective on the world, leading to better empathy and understanding of different perspectives.
This
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 is especially necessary in today's globalized society, where cross-cultural communication and collaboration are becoming increasingly important. Another aspect of
this
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 issue is that studying a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 can help students identify their strengths and weaknesses, enabling them to pursue future education and career prospects that suit their interests and abilities. In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, I think it is more important to focus on all
subjects
Use synonyms
 for comprehensive development.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear logical progression of ideas by using cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay; paragraphs should be well-organized and each argument should be logically connected to the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen supporting main points by providing more specific examples or evidence. While the essay includes examples, additional detail or real-life scenarios would greatly enhance the argument's impact.
task achievement
Task response would improve by examining the prompt more critically, not only discussing both views but also providing a thorough explanation for your opinion; the latter requires a clear and detailed justification.
task achievement
Add more variety and accuracy to the lexical resource by avoiding repetitions and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, ensuring precision and sophistication in word choice.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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