IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that it’s a good to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it’s important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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It is often believed that spending evenings and weekends with
co-workers
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 for socializing is beneficial
while
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 other
people
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 are pessimistic about
this
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 with more importance on complete isolation from others. I support the former view, for
people
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 are able to have a more exciting
life
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 with different activities regardless of the potential advantage of incredible progress in academic achievement. On the one hand, there are more benefits to those who spend with their colleagues on evenings and weekends as they have a more stimulating
life
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 through various activities.
In other words
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, they are encouraged to challenge new sports and hobbies, which broaden their understanding as well.
For instance
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, I have gained the skill of diving since qualified
co-workers
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 kindly taught me how to dive deep and stabilize myself in a tide, allowing me to explore the mysterious world under the ocean.
Thus
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,
such
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 intimate relationship with
co-workers
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 makes
life
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 more thrilling and adventurous, for which I would never have had the opportunity on my own.
On the other hand
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, living in isolation may be a suitable environment to promote academic performance
due to
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 a lack of distraction from others. Indeed, an excessive amount of private time spent with colleagues can discourage
people
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 from studying in depth, which makes it harder for them to achieve a big goal in the future.
Furthermore
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, complete separation from them encourages their full commitment to research and learning, leading to a possibility of a surprising discovery like a famous scientist including Einstein, who is known to have spent most of his
life
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 in solitary.
Therefore
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, those who avoid contact with other
people
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 tend to increase their knowledge and skills by devoting themselves to reading books, establishing a theory and experimenting by themselves. In conclusion, I agree that
people
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 should spend their private time with
co-workers
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, who often encourage them to try unfamiliar activities, making
life
Use synonyms
 more exciting than spending time on their own.
However
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, complete isolation may be recommended to promote academic performance since accumulated work and study are made possible.

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task achievement
The essay fully addresses the task, discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, ensure that each perspective is equally balanced in terms of depth and explanation. The second viewpoint could be elaborated slightly to match the detail of the first.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Consider improving the flow between paragraphs with more linkers to enhance coherence, though it is already good. For example, use phrases like 'On the other hand' more strategically and perhaps summarize the opposing view briefly before making your point.
task achievement
Very clear and comprehensive response with relevant and specific examples, such as the diving experience, which effectively supports the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with each paragraph clearly contributing to the overall argument. Introduction and conclusion are present and summarise the views effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding experience
  • team cohesion
  • workplace dynamics
  • informal setting
  • job satisfaction
  • professional boundaries
  • work-life balance
  • morale
  • professional reputation
  • networking
  • interpersonal relationships
  • boundary maintenance
  • overlapping roles
  • personal and professional life
  • conflict resolution
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