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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the effects of globalization, the culture of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a positive process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#effects #globalization #culture #countries #people #process #threat #identity
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Over the past few decades,
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 significantly day by day, affect to to the
culture
 of some
countries
.
Therefore
, some people believe
this
 is a positive
methods
Change the noun form
method
show examples
,
whilist
Correct your spelling
while
 others
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 that
this
 is a threat to
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 identity.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints before a conclusion is derived.
Due to
 the effects of globalization, many
countries
also
 have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed to survive in
this
 modern world,
one
Correct word choice
and one
show examples
 of them
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 learning
Correct article usage
the culturer
show examples
culturer
Correct your spelling
culture
cultures
 of many other
countries
. It
is influence
Wrong verb form
influences
show examples
 and
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
 in many
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of life
Correct word choice
and bring
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 us a lot of advantages.
For instance
, many
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 and
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 are built by many
architecter
Correct your spelling
architecture
architects
Correct word choice
and foreigner
show examples
foreigner
Change to a plural noun
foreigners
show examples
, many abroad
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 are becoming increasingly
demontstate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
demonstrated
 in
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
Moreover
, the vehicles we use
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
also
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the original abroad and we are affected by their greatly eye-catching costume. The
way
 are influenced
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
culture
 of other
countries
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 our
country
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 incredible. But other
proponants
Correct your spelling
proponents
 are convinced
that is
 one of the main
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 make our
country
 forget about our
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
. The effects of globalization could make the general public interested in other
cultur
Correct your spelling
cultures
culture
 and not enjoy
very
Correct pronoun usage
it very
show examples
 much in their own
way
. We should apply other
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
extents
Fix the agreement mistake
extent
show examples
.
Besides
, just
keeping
Verb problem
apply
show examples
being affected by others is making
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
country
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
develop greatly.
That is
 the reason why other people do not encourage it. In conclusion, on
balance
Add a comma
balance,
show examples
 I think that learning
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 or being
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by globalization is just one of the main
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 our
country
 develop
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
extents
Fix the agreement mistake
extent
show examples
. We
also
 have to preserve
our
Change the word
the
show examples
culture
 that
the
Change the word
our
show examples
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
 and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 it
generation
Change preposition
from generation
show examples
 to generation.
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

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coherence cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs need a clearer structure. Attempt to separate your ideas more distinctly and use linking phrases to connect them smoothly.
task achievement
Try to stay on topic and avoid making unnecessary deviations. Additionally, ensure you fully develop each main point with relevant examples.
task achievement
You've made an effort to discuss both viewpoints and presented a balanced opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion which helps frame your essay effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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